My Friend Joanne.

I went to you prayer service tonight. I still can't believe you're gone. But there are so many things I will remember about you.

Namely, your legacy of love.

You were the most perfect human example in my life of joy. You radiated joy! I have never seen you without a smile on your face.

It didn't matter what kind of day you were having. It didn't matter what sort of troubles you were going through. You always had a smile on your face, a twinkle in your eye, and a laugh in your heart.

You were one of the most loving people I have ever known. You never had a negative word to say about anyone, but rather you found the positive in everything.

Even though you may not walk with us anymore, your legacy will live on. The joy you emanated, the love you shared, and the memories we have of you will continue on in our hearts and in our minds.

I will miss you, my friend, but I take comfort in knowing that we will see each other again.

Give Jesus a hug for me :)

Swimming.

I grew up a swimmer.

I was in swimming lessons as far back as I can remember.

I LOVED to swim! :)

I loved the feeling of floating.

Splashing around.

Earning my swim badges.

I hated getting out.

It was always so cold in the change rooms.

I remember this one specific day at Sargent Park Pool, after getting out of the water, I just felt miserable because I was so cold.

I wrapped myself in my towel, and I sat on the bench in front of my locker, and I cried.

My mom would usually wait for me outside of the change room for me to come out, but when I wasn't coming out, she came in looking for me.

And found me crying.

She asked me what was wrong. I told her that I was so cold.

She reassured me, that I just had to get dried off, get dressed, and I'll be warm in no time.

I hated having to unwrap my towel, because then the cold air could get at me.

But she was right, and I knew it.

So I towelled off, got dressed, and yeah, I warmed up in no time.

Right now, I kinda feel like I did when I sat there and cried.

I've made the decision to leave my church.

There's a lot of reasons behind it that I'm not gonna get into in this post.

But yesterday was my last Sunday as worship team leader.

I only told a few people - my pastors, the worship team, and a couple people in the church.

This whole experience has felt like my swimming lessons.

You get to the pool, stand at the edge, and jump in.

And it's cold! Kinda takes your breath away for a couple seconds.

But you get used to it, you get your bearings, and you go have fun, learning things along the way.

That's what it was for me. I stood at the edge for a long, long time. Then finally it was time for me to jump in.

And it took me a bit to figure it out, to get my bearings.

But I did, and I had fun with it, learning things along the way.

But, just like swimming lessons, all things must come to an end.

The time has come when the Lord has called me out of the pool, this lesson is over.

And just like at the end of swim time, you gotta put your pool stuff away - any flutter boards, or balls, or life jackets you've used, they need to be set up for the next group to use.

Today I sent Nat - the new team leader - the song list, all the lyrics, and all the PDF files for all the songs in the music library. Got that stuff set up for him to use.

And now I find myself sitting in the locker room, stuck between swimming and the rest of life, just feeling miserable. Knowing that it's time to move on, yet wanting to go back to where it was comfortable and fun, where I knew what I was doing.

And I hate this place.

But, just like my mom came to reassure me, I know that the Lord is reassuring me, telling me that yeah, this moment right now sucks, but I don't just need to wallow here being miserable. I just gotta dry myself off, get dressed, and I'll be warm in no time.

And hey, there's always another swimming lesson next week. ;)

"The Fault In Our Stars" John Green

I read a book today.

I don’t want to tell you what this book is about.

But I want to tell you what this book will do to you.

At least what it did to me.

This book took me on an emotional journey.

I’d be reading one page and laughing about how the characters interact with each other.

Then I’d be three pages later, and have tears running down my cheeks.

And that’s jarring.

Really jarring.

I almost couldn’t handle it. I had to put the book down for a bit every so often just to let my mind catch up to where my emotions were.

And yet I could. Not. Stop. Reading.

Tears streaming down my face, I’d start laughing.

Then I’d flip the page, and more tears would fall.

I don’t even…

I just…

Can’t.

Could.

Not.

Stop.

This is a really easy book to get hooked on.

And trust me, when I say hooked, I mean it.

That hook will pull you this way, and that way…

And there’s nothing you can do about it.

Except to keep reading.

Nominated To Be Naked

There's this new thing going around Facebook right now, where you post a picture of your face without make-up on, and without using any kind of filters (Instagram, Photoshop, etc.). Then you nominate someone else to do it to, and they nominate someone else, and so on. The hashtags I've most seen attached to this photos is #LoveYourself

I haven't been nominated, nor do I see the need to be... I don't wear make-up, so technically all of my pics I could just go back and label them all #NoMakeUp #NoFilter...

I do have generally positive views on this trend...

The first thing that I think is, FINALLY!!! Finally people are taking a step to lose the make-up mask in order to see their faces as they naturally should be.

I get so frustrated when people feel like they need to cover themselves up with make-up.

I get that make-up has a purpose - but that purpose is to enhance your natural features, not to cover them up to make a new face.

Why has it become so socially acceptable to cover the real you up? Why has society come to the point that it tells women (and men!) that they're not beautiful enough, they need to create a new face?

I'm not even gonna get into plastic surgery...

I get that make-up can be used to express yourself. I do that with my hair...

But there is a difference between expressing yourself and having fun with it, and feeling like you can't leave the house without putting on your face.

There have been people that have said that to me.

And I know of a couple people who won't participate in this trend because they hate the way they look without make-up.

So sad, really... Because when I see all these #NoMakeUp #NoFilter pictures people are posting on Facebook, they are so beautiful!!!

I just want to end with this: beauty is not what the media and "beauty products" industries says you should look like. True beauty is the true you. You don't need to paint on a different face. Because although you may not see it in yourself, everyone around you can. And we want to see you :)



#BOOM

Why?

I had coffee with a friend this past week. A friend that I was able to confide some stuff in, opening myself up to her, allowing her in, accepting her willingness to walk with me, and I with her.

We were chatting about a lot of stuff, but one of the things she challenged me on was, why do I identify as gay? Why has God made me like this?

She challenged me to pray about it, and press after God for answers.

It's been an interesting conversation with the Lord.

I have a sense of what His answer is...

I know there is a purpose for everything.

I know there is a purpose for why God made me the way He did.

And I'm beginning to understand a part of what that purpose is...

So we shall see what comes of this...

I know there's a breaking that going to happen.

It's already happening within myself.

And it hurts...

"God has the hammer and the chisel. He is perfecting His masterpiece. And every hit is going to hurt."

Oof.

"It Comes and Goes in Waves" Greg Laswell

This song hurts.

It hurts right down to my core.

I can't stop listening to it.

And yet every time it repeats, it hurts even more.

I am a puddle on my floor right now, except for the fact that I'm struggling to type this post.

This song just hits right at the very heart of me.

Lately I've been struggling with life (who isn't, really?), trying to work through choices I've made, and the consequences of such choices.

It's a long process.

It suuuucks.

And it's really painful.

I'm really hesitant to write about it in detail here, because I know there are some people who read this that it will affect. And right now, I'm not ready to bring them into this yet...

Being Strong.

I just saw a picture on FB that a friend of mine posted:

Something about this made me cry. Not in a bad way though... But it brings up a lot of emotion in me.

It's a gentle reminder to me of how broken I've been, but also a reminder of those who have stuck by my side.

This picture fills me with such gratitude for my closest friends who have been there for me to rant to, to cry on, to lean on...

This picture is a reminder to me that I don't always have to try to be so strong, because there are others who are willing to be strong for me.

I don't always have to be patient, because there are others who are willing to be patient with me.

I don't have to be silent, because there are others who are willing to listen to me.

There are others who are willing to step up when I can't stand on my own.

When I've been deeply hurt, never have I been left to deal with it on my own. There has always been someone there beside me.

I may be damaged and broken, but never beyond repair.

I may have scars from past hurts, but they are reminders of how much I am so loved by those around me.

And that is a true blessing right there :)

Biblical Literalism

This.

#Boom.

Beauty.

I was catching up on my Facebook news feed yesterday, and I came across this ad - right there on my news fed:

I don't know if I can express my anger at this enough.

I felt like this ad was telling me, "You need to lose weight in order to be beautiful." (Look at the website: Women Beauty Journal)

This is the kind of society I live in. That we live in.

A kind of society that tells women, "If you want to be beautiful, you need to lose weight. You need to be skinny. You need to be a size 0."

I am so sick and tired of being bombarded by all these messages from the media.

Going through the check-out at the grocery store, seeing tabloid magazines where they judge people on the front cover because they've gained a few extra pounds.

Or "beauty" magazines that have images celebrities on the front cover that have been Photoshopped to have longer limbs, longer neck, tanned skin, bigger breasts.

Walking down the street and seeing clothing ads that portray super skinny girls modelling the brand's clothing.

Browsing my own Facebook feed and seeing ads like this one.

By the way, this ad leads to some promo thing for some kind of exotic fruit extract that, "combined with a powerful colon cleanser, creates a fat burning machine." But it's a part of Women's Health Magazine.

Because losing 35 pounds in 5 weeks with this stuff is sooooo healthy.

Because it's sooooo healthy to think, "I just need to lose 10 pounds, 15 pounds, 50 pounds, and then I'll be beautiful."

And I'm not even gonna comment on what kind of articles it has on sexuality... That's a whole other rant...

I wish so much that women (and men!) would just see past media messages like this, to see their own true beauty! People, media is telling you lies that you will buy their products! They are LYING to you because they want you to pay them to "fix" your "problem." Their lies are soooo convincing sometimes, I know! I get it! But they are LIES!!!

My heart breaks for the next generation of girls, being exposed at younger and younger ages to messages from the media telling them that they're not beautiful enough...

My heart BREAKS for them, because they are going to grow thinking they're never going to be beautiful enough.

You know where I get my view of beauty?

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight." 1 Peter 3:3-4

I don't care what I physically look like. Why? Because God isn't looking at that.

I am not here to please other people. It does not matter to me how other people see me, how other people judge me.

The only judgment I care about is God's. The only opinion about myself that matters to me is God's. I want Him to look at me and smile. I want Him to look at me, and be please with what He sees.

But He's not looking at my physical body. He is looking at my inmost being. He looks at my heart, my spirit.

And I know that He LOVES what He sees!

And I know how cliche it sounds... "It's not the outside, it's the inside that counts."

But this is biblical! This is straight from the Lord!

And it's His Word that I trust over everything else.

It's His Love that I cling to over everything else.

It's His Truth that I believe over everything else.

Because His Word, His Love, His Truth, will never lie to me.

Ever.

Amen.

Luke 2:8-18

I'm always amazed with the story of the shepherds... They were the outcasts of society, the ones nobody wanted to be around cuz they stunk like sheep. And yet they were the first to hear the news of the birth of Messiah. They were the only ones we know of that got to hear the choir of angels.

Can wet just stop right there? There was an entire sky full of angels there, singing! "Glory to God in the highest heaven! And on earth peace to those in whom his favor rests!" Picture that amazing sight! Imagine that amazing sound! And the shepherds were the only ones who got to witness it!

And so, not only did the shepherds just hear about the birth, they were the first to be invited to go see Jesus.

It's interesting how Jesus' entire ministry was like that - always going to those whom nobody wanted to be around: the tax-collectors, the lepers, the prostitutes...

Huh...

Peace.

"It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."
-Unknown

God has called us to live in peace. Jesus Christ himself is our peace. He stands among us and says, "Peace be with you! I give you my peace. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." For God is not a God of disorder, but of peace. So let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts.
-1 Corinthians 7:15; Ephesians 2:14; John 20:19; John 14:27; 1 Corinthians 14:33; Colossians 3:15

PostSecret

I love reading the weekly PostSecret Sunday Secrets. This week, there was an email at the bottom that I thought was just awesome. Here it is:

I was at the PostSecret Event in London. I didn't find the courage to go up to the microphone, but if I had been able to, this is what I would have said.

I spent so long feeling guilty, feeling ashamed of my sadness, and you know what? It just made me sadder. You are allowed to be sad, you are allowed to be angry, you're allowed to be depressed. We all deserve to feel our own sadness in our own time.

Something you will have heard before - you deserve to be happy. That, of course, is not always easy to hear, especially in the depths of depression - so let me add something. You deserve to be happy - but you don't have to be happy right now or all the time.

It is okay to be sad, it's okay to not be ready to be happy yet. One day you will be ready to recover - that day doesn't have to be today or even tomorrow, as long as you know and trust me that it will come.

It's okay not to be okay.

Thanks for everything Frank,

Holly, London

P.S My secret is that I decided last night that I'm ready to recover and it's going to be incredible.

Love it. Not really much else to be said. Thank you Holly =)

The Salvation Army and the LGBT Community

I came across a link that was posted on Facebook by a few of my friends - LGBT Discrimination: Debunking the Lie.

Good article, basically saying that whoever comes to The Salvation Army for help, they will get it. Doesn't matter what their colour is, their class, their gender, their sexual orientation, etc.

Within the article is a link to a statement from The Salvation Army Northern Division (Minnesota and North Dakota), their "response to false accusations claiming that The Salvation Army discriminates against the LGBT community and pays lobbyists to fight against their interests."

Within that statement, it says this:

The Salvation Army embraces employees of many different faiths and orientations and abides by all applicable anti-discrimination laws in its hiring.

Mmhmm... So, that's why I was told that I could no longer be hired to run the kids' church at CFOT in-Sundays because I had come out as bisexual? Because CFOT "has a reputation to uphold"? That was the message that was passed along to me through my corps officer at the time.

I understand that at this time of year, The Salvation Army needs people to donate to the kettle campaign, and sometimes people don't want to donate because they hear that TSA discriminates against the LGBT community. Actually, this past Tuesday when I did a kettle shift, there were two people that stopped by and were like, "Didn't you know that The Salvation Army doesn't support gays?" It actually led to a short conversation with the second person, and I was able to share about how I'm openly bisexual and still accepted and actively involved with my corps.

What gets to me is that TSA wants these "rumours" to stop, and yet these "rumours" aren't entirely untrue. Yes, I will agree that TSA will serve everyone who needs help, regardless of sexual orientation (or gender, or colour, etc.) But I will not agree with something that is not true, at least in my experience.

Do I think people should donate to the kettle campaign? Absolutely! I still support TSA. I know there are a lot of programs that run out of my corps, and 80% of funds raised through our kettles comes back to the corps to support those programs. And these are some really great programs that are much needed in the community.

But I will also stand by the truth.

/end rant.

Quarter-Life Crisis

My friend Alison had a guest post on another blog today (here), and she talked about how she's gone through a "quarter-life crisis." It kinda made something click in my head: I guess you could say that I've been going through a bit of that myself.

A mid-life crisis happens at about 50, and you question things in your life, and want to make changes.

That's what I'm going through now, except I'm only just 25.

I want a change of work...

I think about a change of relationship status (I used to think I'd be married by now...)

I'm unsure about future goals...

That's not to say that I don't like where I am in my life... No, I'm not where I want to be, but it's not terrible here. I love my living situation. I love my roommate. I love the kids I work with at the daycare. I love the relationship I'm currently in.

But I don't want to be at the daycare for 10 years, or even 5. I want to run a kitchen, be the head chef.

I don't want to stay in just a dating relationship. This one's tricky with timing though, and I understand that. Alex and I have only been dating for just over 5 months, so it's really too soon in my opinion to start talking about marriage... But I can't help but think about the future. Can I see myself marrying him? Will I have the same opinion in a year?

There's so much I want to do with my life. But there's not really any clear way to do it. There's always something stopping me or preventing me from moving forward...

And as I write this, the perfect song just played on my iPod...



Oh Jesus, You always have a way of putting things back into perspective......

Please Stay Alive

This is something that Jamie Tworkowski posted on the TWLOHA blog. Very interesting, I challenge you to read it and really think about what's happening in our world when it comes to suicide. It's tough. It's heartbreaking. But is it worth it in order to save a life? To learn the facts, to recognise the signs, and to reach out and make a difference in the life of someone who needs you?

Please Stay Alive

Spiritual Smackdown.

Jesus frickin loves oxymorons. He just gave me the most gentlest loving smackdown I've ever had in my life.

I was at the first session of the Passion for Jesus conference tonight, and God began revealing myself to me.

I feel like I'm afraid to hear his voice.

I feel like I'm afraid of what he's going to tell me.

When in reality, he's only wanting to show me me in order for me to stop running away from him.

Because he frickin loves me! And he wants me to come to him. And he's calling me to him.

And yet I'm afraid to even listen to his voice.

All night, I've felt like he's been wanting to say something to me, and I've just been shutting him out, not wanting to hear it.

Why?

"Perfect love casts out all fear." 1 John 4:18

I don't understand the love that Jesus has for me. It's difficult for me to accept something I just can't wrap my mind around.

That verse continues to say that fear implies punishment. And yet I know that God's "punishment" is gentle and kind and so loving. Why do I fear it?

I almost feel like Adam and Eve... They walked with God. Physically walked with God. Saw him face to face, everyday, with no fear. And then they sinned. And they hid from God. Because they were afraid.

I'm a sinner. I've been a sinner my whole life. I'll be a sinner until the day I die. When God has pointed out my sin to me, I've never been afraid of his correction. Stubborn sometimes, most times, all the time, but never afraid.

So what's with this fear now?

It frustrates me too. I'm frustrated with myself for being unable to just move past this and just get to Jesus. I feel like there's something in the way of me getting there. Is it myself holding myself back? Is it that fear that's keeping me from fully running to him?

When it comes to the every day stuff, I have no problem with chatting with Jesus. I have no problem praying for other people. But when it comes to Jesus telling me something right now, I'm terrified. For what reason?

Am I afraid of what God's wanting to show me about the inmost me?

Am I afraid of the commitment God's wanting me to make to him?

Am I afraid of what God's about to lead me into?

Am I afraid of God?

Am I afraid of all of the above?

Yup.

Please pray for me.....

How Are You?

I was visiting a friend tonight, and I'm unsure if she was doing it on purpose or if there was really nothing else to ask at those moments, but she kept asking me, "So how are you?" I didn't think too much of it the second time she asked, but the third time I wondered, is she trying to get at something? The thought didn't last long because we got into other discussions.

But I was thinking about it on the bus ride home... When you ask someone how they're doing, it's usually something like, "Oh I'm okay," or "Good." Nothing really deep.

I was finding that each subsequent time my friend asked me how I was doing, I was more and more willing to really tell her how I was doing. Not that I'm currently feeling awful and terrible, but I'm also not feeling great and superb.

But how often do we really get past just saying that we're doing well, or fine? Especially when we're not really well or fine?

How many times does someone need to ask, "How are you?" before we really get down to the truth?

How long does it take?

My friend only asked me three times, but had she asked a fourth, I probably would've said that I was feeling really lonely. Really brought down. Really sucked down. I probably would've told her about how I was feeling about a certain someone else that she knows of who is really dragging me down spiritually.

I don't really know where I'm going with this post, I just wanted to note that I find it interesting how when people repeatedly ask you how you're doing, it seems like each time it digs deeper and closer to the truth.

So now I'm gonna go make me some dinner! Zesty spinach soup, I can't remember where I got the recipe from... I'll try to remember to post the recipe here with a picture =)

Christmas?

So, the mother of a friend of mine posted on her Facebook status the other day, "We can't say Merry Christmas now we have to say Happy Holidays. We can't call it a Christmas tree, it's now called a Holiday tree? Because it might offend someone. If you don't like our "Customs" and it offends you so much then LEAVE I will help you pack. They are called customs and we have our traditions" and then an added bit asking to repost if you agree. I did not repost, cuz I generally don't repost stuff, but I did comment:

"I always call it Christmas stuff... Cuz it is Christmas to me! If others are offended, that's their problem."

Which in turn, led someone else to comment:

"o.O? Seriously? Religious holiday forced down someone's throat with a 'culture' label? Huzzah to happy holidays because it doesn't ignore how multicultural we are and allow us to check out what other people are celebrating without just assuming everyone is celebrating christ-mas.. Hope everyone has a wonderful Yule!"

Which frustrated the crap out of me!!! So I commented back (my frustrations are explained):

"I think it's great that different people celebrate different holidays, that's what multiculturalism what it is, and that's awesome! But don't lump everything into one single "holiday celebration." I want to celebrate Christmas, just as the Jewish want to celebrate Hanukkah, and Muslims celebrate the Islamic new year and the day of Ashura. I am not offended by these religious celebrations.

I think that just lumping everything into "happy holidays" actually takes away from multiculturalism because then we're all becoming the same. There's no multi- anymore, it's all just "happy holidays." But if I say "Merry Christmas!" to someone, and they tell me that they're Jewish, then I will say, "Happy Hanukkah!" no problem! If they tell me they don't believe in the salvation of Christ and they believe in Allah and follow the teachings of Mohamed, then I wish them shalom.

I really could get into a big religious debate about all this, about what gods everyone worships and the gods they celebrate in their holidays and whatnot, but I don't think this is really the place for it...

Canada is a country built upon Christian forefathers, an thus we are considered a Christian nation. As such, Christmas Day is recognised as a national holiday. If people from other religions don't actually celebrate Christmas, that's fine, they are still able to enjoy the day of rest if they choose.

For those who immigrate here from other countries, welcome to Canada, we here celebrate Christmas on December 25th. You don't have to, but we will wish you a Merry Christmas nonetheless. You can accept it or not, but we will wish you wellness. Feel free to celebrate your own holiday, I think that's fantastic!

[Previous commenter], I don't mean to make it seem like I'm ranting specifically at you, or even ranting at all, I just get frustrated when people try to take Christ out of the originally reason for celebrating Christmas because they want to be politically correct and non-offensive to anyone."

Does anyone else have any thoughts on this that they'd like to share? I'm totally up to discuss different opinions, even welcoming religious debate, because I do believe that this would be an appropriate place to do that! =)

The Politics of Race and Gender (in Therapy)

I went to the library with Alisha today because she needed some books for a paper, basically asks the question, what would the history of psychology be like if women had more influence than men? One of the books she took out is called The Politics of Race and Gender in Therapy (an anthology edited by Lenora Fulani. On the bus heading back to my place, I was holding her books, and this one book was the one on top, so I started looking through it. There are some really interesting submissions, I would like to read them all myself just to read them! I want to share some of the entries, one being a poem, the other an article (I'll pick out some quotes). The article has what some people would call some foul language, and for that I do apologise to those who would be offended, but I will write it just as it is written in the book.

"I Am a Woman" by Jessie Fields
Eyes on me daily
Frankly staring

My heel-less height
Wild natural fair, unadorned ears
and unfeminine clothes
Shock the eyes accustomed to the sight
of styled hair, make-up, and earrings.

I stand before the eyes wide with the question:
"Are you a man or a woman?"

The sex code broken.
The dress code defied.
And no slot to put me in.

It is an unwritten rule
that all female children must have their ears pierced
That all women must
wear earrings.

If you don't believe this as a rule
Defy it as I do daily.

Stand with me
when someone calls me sir
Listen to me say
"I am a woman"
Watch them star past me,
and continue to call me sir.
Listen to them say
"Women can't be that tall"
"You don't look like a woman"

How does a woman look?

I am a woman
A woman looks
like the woman she is.
I look like myself, a woman.
I define myself.
I define the woman I am.
And how this woman looks
And what this woman does
And who this woman loves
And I will be
no less than all of me.
I am a woman.


"The Necessary Bitch" by Judy Simmons
Sometimes I act like a bitch for the same reasons that Sojourner Truth ripped off her bodice in public and asked, "Ain't I a woman too?" I mean, really, am I not somebody's child? Don't I bleed if you cut me? Haven't I dreamed of flying?

A woman is a bitch if she stands up for herself, speaks her mind, insists on her rights and space, isn't deferential to men and would rather make a scene than die or turn the other cheek. Except if she's over 65 and a grandmother: Then asserting herself is okay because she's already sacrificed herself for home, hubby, kids, church and community, so she deserves a little indulgence. Besides, she's no threat.

I saw Black women bent double for 12 hours a day, eight-foot sacks harnessed to their backs, picking cotton with cracked, bloody fingers. In 1955. One of them was my college-graduate mother, who wasn't paid enough as a Negro teacher in the segregated South to feed, clothe and shelter only the two of us.
I saw my dark-skinned, country roommate at Talladega College who kept her eyes on the floor and meekly submitted to bullying because that's what a black Black girl with nappy hair could expect and deserved. In 1960.
I saw the women of Laurel, Mississippi, whose work in a chicken factory gave them bloated, ulcerated arms, and who bled through to their outer garments because they'd be fired if they left the line to change their menstrual pad or tampon. In 1980.

[Talking about the word "bitch."] ...The word was profane and had the concept disgusting. It referred to a loose woman who had sex without benefit of marriage and was vain and worldly - a gaudy, painted harlot who probably sand "Gimme mah gin!" and wiggled her hips, tempting upright, God-fearing men to stray from the straight and narrow. Virtuous girls had to avoid even the appearance of evil by keeping their legs crossed, their eyes downcast, their mouths full of soap and their heads clouded with fear and guilt for having sinful thoughts.
Sinful thoughts included sexual ones, of course, but those were venial compared with an even worse heresy; thinking that you, a mere female, were as good as or even better than boys and men.

I think we're cheating ourselves by accepting the bitch label and trying to make it mean something positive. We're having enought trouble gaining self-esteem as it is, without using a very suspect word to label the kind of person we're struggling to become. Bitch is too easy and narrow a concept for what's really going on with me, with us women.

Many Black women are unwilling to identify with feminism, apparently feeling that a feminist is a privileged white, racist, anti-male woman. In fact, feminist means exactly what some of us are trying to make bitch mean: a woman who takes her power out of others' hands and into her own and decides who she wants to be, how she'll be responsible and what she'll make of life on her own terms.

Frequently those of us who do pick up on some of feminism's flashier aspects make the fundamental mistake of wanting the privilege without paying the price. Taking power and directing our lives isn't simply a matter of flexing our women's-lib mouth muscles and throwing jargonistic tantrums to get our own way.
Being a new-style bitch of a feminist isn't just a matter of waking up one morning and shouting "I gotta be me." I've been doing that for years, and all it makes me is a rebellious child who has spent her life reacting against people instead of moving toward her own identity and goals.

I want to stop being my own worst enemy and start being my best friend. I want to decide who I am, mostly, and what work I want to do, seriously. I want to spend half as much energy and ingenuity making myself economically and politically powerful as I've spent trying to show some man how worthwhile my love, loyalty and talents are to him (I'll be filthy rich in six months). I want women and men to respect their separate-but-equal struggles to be whole, balanced human beings. And when I'm standing up for myself and my beliefs to the best of my ability, I want to be recognised as a complex, loving, hurting, angry, courageous woman. Maybe a feminist. Definitely much more and much better than a bitch.

"I'm Christian, Unless You're Gay"

What a great post! I got this because it was shared on FB by a friend, and so I thought I'd share with you all! It's a bit of a long read, but well written and well worth it!

I'm Christian, Unless You're Gay

I do have many of my own thoughts on this, but I am exhausted and have no energy to sit here and write, so I am hoping to get to it another day.