"Looking for Angels" Skillet

Going through this life looking for angels
People passing by looking for angels

Walk this world alone, try to stay on my feet
Sometimes crawl, fall, but I stand up cuz i'm afraid to sleep
Open my eyes to a new day with all new problems and all new pain
All the faces are filled with so much anger
Losing our dignity and hope for fear of danger
After all the wars, after settling the scores,
At the break of dawn will we be deaf to the answers?
With so much bigotry, misunderstanding and fear,
With eyes squinted and fists clenched we reach out for what is dear
(we want it, we want, we want a reason to live)
We're on a pilgrimage, a crusade for hope,
Cuz in our hearts and minds and souls we know
(we need it, we need, we need more than this)

Going through this life, looking for angels
People passing by, looking for angels
Walking down the streets, looking for angels
Everyone I meet, looking for angels

So many nations with so many hungry people
So many homeless scrounging around for dirty needles
On the rise, teen suicide
When we we realise we've been desensitised by the lies of the world?
We're oppressed and impressed by the greedy,
Whose hands squeeze the life out of the needy
When will we learn that wars, threats and regrets are the cause and effect of living in fear?
We can help protect the innocence of our children,
Stolen on the internet with images they can't forget
(we want it, we want, we want a reason to live)
We represent a generation that wants to turn back the nation,
To let love be our light and salvation
(we need it, we need, we need more than this)

Going through this life, looking for angels
People passing by, looking for angels
Walking down the streets, looking for angels
Everyone I meet, looking for angels

I became a saviour to some kids I'll never meet,
Sent a cheque in the mail to buy them something to eat
What will you do to make a difference, to make a change?
What will you do to help someone along the way?
Just a touch, a smile as you turn the other cheek,
Pray for your enemies, humble yourself, love's staring back at me
In the midst of the most painful of faces,
Angels show up in the strangest of places

Going through this life, looking for angels
People passing by, looking for angels
Walking down the streets, looking for angels
Everyone I meet, looking for angels

Got Me Hair Trimmed! =)

Okay that's really not what this post is about LOL but I DID just get it trimmed and it feels good! =)

Anyways, just wanna update y'all on what's happening with my move! I talked to Cindy about moving into their place while they're on holidays for July, and she said it'd be totally fine if I moved all my stuff there for just the month... They wouldn't charge me anything, but it'd be up to me to take care of the garden and lawn. But what I think I may do, cuz I still have lots to pack and clean and fix at my mom's, is I'll stay at the Butler's Sunday-Thursday, cuz it is easier to get to MFC from their place, then on weekends I'll head to my mom's to keep packing and stuff... And I talked to my mom about that, and she's okay with it. =) so yay!

AND I think I'm heading there tomorrow night? Cuz Cindy has left on holidays early to see her dad, so Curtis is there and Beth and Farley are visiting, so it'd be a bit weird I guess for them LOL so I will stay there this weekend prolly... We'll see... I'd love to head there tonight but I will be working late tonight... Which reminds me, I should actually call Curtis and let him know that...

So I will call Curtis as soon as I post this, and then get back to work! =) please continue to pray over my mom and I...

update stuff...

Wow, lots to say again! To start, things at MFC have been pretty good this first week! =) we didn't get a much planning done as we wanted, but it was fun nonetheless, and things are starting to come together. Hopefully this coming week we can get lots more done!

Things with mom haven't been so great, but what else is new? I'm trying so hard to not be angry and bitter with her, but it is so hard when she is constantly rude to me. I don't wanna go into details on what she has done specifically, but I have been called names, given the silent treatment, and spoken rudely to, all of it completely uncalled for.

I did have a really good chat with my friend Debi today, and she pretty much confirmed what I've already been thinking about... She suggested that I move all my boxes out of the house (to a friend's house or even to the house itself) just so that my mom doesn't see them and therefore won't have a constant reminder that i'm moving out...

I've had a few friends offer their places to me, either to store my stuff there or even for me to stay there if I needed somewhere else to stay... One of them I would love to stay with her, but my biological father lives in the same apartment so I really wouldn't feel comfortable staying there... My pastor has also offered their house when they're away on holidays, and i'm thinking I may just do that... I will have to talk with them though...

It is definitely not a good situation right now at my mom's house... My mom's anger is getting really intense, and I am almost to the breaking point, I just can't deal with this for much longer...

For the longest time I thought I was to blame, that I just wasn't good enough or didn't do enough, and that's why I got yelled at all the time... But especially after having this conversation with Debi today, I realised that no it's not all me... I mean, yeah I could help around the house more, but can someone really get that mad because I didn't do a chore? I don't wanna make it sound like i'm accusing my mom of anything, but she hurts me in ways that will prolly require therapy down the road... I can see it happening... I've seen it happen with my mom herself... She's told me many stories of her younger years of being abused by her parents... I don't know if she sees it, but I've seen the cycle continue through her. It almost makes me afraid to have children of my own, cuz I've seen many of the same traits in myself... It's been pointed out to me too, especially a couple years ago at camp, my supervisor asked me what was wrong because I was not the same way with kids as I was...

In class, we would always learn about how when there is abuse, it usually continues in a chain down through family generations. I do believe that I can break this chain in my family. I've been through a lot, but I know that I have God in my life, and He is the God of healing and growth!

Anywho, I am at a bachelorette parTAY and I was writing this as the other girls were in the pool, but they are now sitting with me so i'm gonna do my best to socialise... Sigh it's been a rough day so far, so I wanna be able to relax and enjoy myself even if it's just for a night... =)

Things I Need to Say to People

1. You have been such a great friend! I love how we don't even remember the details on how we became so close, but I love that we have! We've been through a lot together and it's because of you that i'm still here... It makes me sad that we seem to have separated lately, but I understand that it's cuz of everything that's been coming up... But I want you to know that i'm still here for you no matter what! I love you so much it hurts sometimes, and I wish you every kind of happiness! =D

2. It's weird how we got so close so fast, but i'm so glad! You are my sister and I love you with my whole heart! You've been there for me since the beginning (at least since I was able to talk lol!) with support, advice, and love. I always feel so comfortable around you, and I want to thank you for all the times we chatted over coffee, for when we gathered at your house for prayer meetings, for the fun times shopping, for the late night chats about really deep stuff, and always for the love of God that you have and that you share with everyone you come in contact with! I know we are not perfect, but we're not meant to be.

3. You were one of my first real friends at the college... It took a lot for me to open up to people and let them in, but with you, once we were in an intensive together and sat beside each other for that whole week, it was much easier! It's been really fun being your friend! =) I love our inside jokes haha! You've been there for me too, and have always had something to tell me, and that means more to me than you know! I've loved getting to know who you are, and I am so inspired by you! I've seen you super excited, I've seen you completely crushed, I've seen you fight for something and I've seen you realise when it's time to let go... You seem so wise to me and I love getting your input on hard decisions. I love you my friend, and I thank you for everything =)

4. Oh my goodness it's only taken 6 months to get to where we are now! You've become one of my closest friends, someone I can chat with about anything and everything! You've opened your home to me, and I've always felt welcome there (even if it was awkward the first time cuz we weren't on facebook LOL!) I feel like I can relate with you about stuff, to a point of course, and i'm so thankful that God has brought you here! I've prayed for you a lot as you went through difficult times, and I continue to pray for you as you keep pushing forward and moving on with what God has for you! You've encouraged me in so many ways, and kept me on track when I started to lose sight of what matters most. I don't feel like I have to fake my feelings around you, I can always express what I feel without feeling judged. In these 6 months, I have grown to really love you for who you are, so I thank you for just being you! =)

5. Oh goodness, what to say! Can I even find words to express how grateful I am for you? It's only been 6 months that I've gotten to know you, but it feels like I've known you forever! For the many coffee dates, the chats, the tears I was able to cry with you, the hugs, but most of all the love, I thank God for you! You seem to have a knack for piecing things together in a way that makes sense, and from that I've been able to work through a lot of stuff... I love talking with you because I feel like i'm actually listened to, and I always leave with a fresh perspective on things.

6. You have been one of my closest guy friends I have ever had. I've been able to tell you a lot of things I thought I'd never be able to tell a guy. I am sad that things had to end, but I like to see it as us just taking our relationship back to a different level. I love the fact that we are still friends and I don't find it awkward at all anymore. I respect you a lot, and you've taught me a lot of things about bf/gf relationships while we were dating. I do still care about you a lot, and I miss having that closer relationship, but I don't regret anything. In fact i'm kinda glad things turned out the way they did, because I can still call you my friend =)

7. I don't really know how to say this... I find it somewhat awkward to be your friend, but awkward isn't the right word... We aren't really that close, but we have a close group of friends. Even as I say this, I realise that not everybody is super close with everybody. I do consider you a friend, and I also know that both of us haven't completely opened up to each other, and i'm okay with that =) I have enjoyed being your friend and getting to know different things about you. I know it takes a lot for you to trust people, but I want you to know that I do trust you, and I'd never try to force anything out of you. Just so you know lol...

8. I think this is my hardest one to write... I know in my mind that you love me, that you want what's best for me, but I don't get that in my heart. I'm not writing this in anger, this is just how it is. I don't get a lot of positive anything from you, which is why I don't stay home very much. It's hard for me to be around someone who always has something negative to say about anything I do, and it really hurts. That is why I need to much other positive encouragement from a lot of my other friends. I understand that you're working through a lot of things from your past while dealing with a daughter who is growing up and leaving home, I know that it must be really hard for you! But I still have needs, and one of those needs is love from you, cuz I don't feel it at all. Around you, I feel like i'm never good enough, that i'm a failure. You've never told me otherwise. I try my best to love you, but it's hard to keep giving when you seem to just get further and further away.

9. You have grown up so much over the years! I've seen you struggle with so many things life has thrown at you, and yet you overcame them all! I can see that you have many friends surrounding you with love and encouragement, and your relationship with God, though shaky sometimes, is your foundation, always remember that! You still have a lot of growing up to do, and life will continue to throw difficult things at you, but I know that if you keep holding on to your Rock, you can get through anything!

MFC! =)

So, it's been two days that I've been at MFC, and I am LOVING it!!! =D. So far it's just been all planning stuff, Dayna, Flo and I have been going through all the little details and getting all the different things planned for the summer kids club, it's been interesting! =) busy, but cool!

I'm looking forward to putting all these plans into action, to meet the kids, to have even more fun! I picture it being a bit like camp, a bit like kids cafe, and a lot of new experiences... I'm excited! =D

It's a little stressing though, because now my days are all taken up with the job, and i'm starting to stress about getting wedding stuff done, and then moving stuff done, and balancing shifts at Smitty's... Oi!!! It'll be good though, I know that God is working in me and is getting things done through me, and I know everything will be done when it needs to get done... So i'm still learning to trust God and lean on him for strength =)