Monday, May 18, 2015

My Friend Joanne.

I went to you prayer service tonight. I still can't believe you're gone. But there are so many things I will remember about you.

Namely, your legacy of love.

You were the most perfect human example in my life of joy. You radiated joy! I have never seen you without a smile on your face.

It didn't matter what kind of day you were having. It didn't matter what sort of troubles you were going through. You always had a smile on your face, a twinkle in your eye, and a laugh in your heart.

You were one of the most loving people I have ever known. You never had a negative word to say about anyone, but rather you found the positive in everything.

Even though you may not walk with us anymore, your legacy will live on. The joy you emanated, the love you shared, and the memories we have of you will continue on in our hearts and in our minds.

I will miss you, my friend, but I take comfort in knowing that we will see each other again.

Give Jesus a hug for me :)

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

29 Questions.

I was browsing the interwebs last night, following link after link, and I came across this page. I thought it was really interesting, and decided to answer these questions myself! :)

1. Which teacher had the biggest influence on your life?
I'd have to say my choir teacher in high school, Miss Nattrass. She kept me interested in singing, and encouraged me to keep singing even after high school was done.

2. What’s the most spontaneous thing you’ve ever done?
I don't do a lot of big spontaneous things, but I tend to buy compulsively.

3. If you could go back in time, what year would you travel to?
I wouldn't want to go back.

4. What was your favourite toy or game growing up?
I always loved playing cards :)

5. What's the craziest event you've ever witnessed?
Oh boy... I saw a warehouse fire up close when I was little. I saw a twister from a distance coming back from the States once. I saw a police chase down Portage a few years ago that ended with the car catching the corner of the back of a city transit bus.

6. What’s the worst job you’ve ever had?
Sal's. Hands down.

7. If you had a superpower, even for just one day, what would it be?
Telekinesis

8. If you could go back in time, what is one piece of advice you would give your younger self?
Mom really does love you and only wants the best for you. She just doesn't always know how to express herself in a way that you would understand. She means well, but finds it hard to know how to reach out to you. Don't worry, things will work out, just don't give up on her :)

9. If you could have been a child prodigy what would you have wanted your skill to be?
Playing cello. It's such a beautiful instrument, I wish I could have learned to play at a young age.

10. What is your favourite thing about the town where you live?
Each area has its own feel, its own vibe. I like it :)

11. What was your favourite food when you were a kid?
Pasta.

12. If you could stay a certain age forever, what age would it be?
I wouldn't want to. I actually look forward to growing older and getting laugh lines and just enjoying life as it comes :)

13. If you could witness any event—past, present or future—what would it be?
I've always wondered what it'd be like to have known Jesus as he walked this earth.

14. If you could meet anyone, living or dead, who would it be?
Jesus, face to face :)

15. What would you title the autobiography of your life?
Oh geez... I don't know!

16. What was the first thing you bought with your own money?
Probably candy haha.

17. Would you want to know the exact day of your death?
Nope.

18. What happened the time in your life when you were the most nervous to do something?
I was most nervous when I flew to France in grade 12.

19. What do you think is the most important invention in history?
Soap.

20. Who would win a fight—Chuck Norris or Jack Bauer?
Chuck Norris, duh!

21. If you could steal one thing, without consequences, what would it be?
I wouldn't.

22. What was your favourite summer activity as a kid?
Going to camp! :D

23. If you were a ghost, where would you haunt?
I wouldn't wanna be a ghost... :(

24. What kind of car did you wish you had when you were a kid?
I don't even remember lol

25. If you could breed two totally different animals together, what new animal would you create?
This is a silly question...

26. What subject do you wish you had paid more attention to in school?
Social studies.

27. Which do you think is more likely—extraterrestrials or ghosts?
Extraterrestrials

28. Is there anything you wish would come back into fashion?
Meh. I follow my own style haha.

29. If you could learn one new skill, what would it be?
How to play cello! :D

"Let It All Out" Relient K

Let it all out, get it all out
Rip it out remove it
Don't be alarmed when the wound begins to bleed
Cause we're so scared to find out what this life's all about
So scared we're going to lose it
Not knowing all along that's exactly what we need

And today I'll trust you with the confidence of a man who's never known defeat
But tomorrow upon hearing what I did I will stare at you in disbelief
Oh, inconsistent me, crying out for consistency

And you said I know that this will hurt
But if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
Remember the end will justify the pain it took to get us there

And I'll let it be known at times I have shown
Signs of all my weakness
But somewhere in me there is strength
And you promise me that you believe
In time I will defeat this
Cause somewhere in me there is strength

And today I'll trust you with the confidence
Of a man who's never known defeat
And I'll try my best to just forget
That that man isn't me

And you said I know that this will hurt
But if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
Remember the end will justify the pain it took to get us there

You said I know that this will hurt (I know this will hurt)
But if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse
When the burden seems too much to bear
Remember the end will justify the pain it took to get us there

Reach out to me, make my heart brand new
Every beat will be for you, for you
And I know you know you touched my life
When you touched my heavy heart and made it light

Monday, September 22, 2014

"Tear My Wings Apart" Lynnea Malley

Spiral to the ground
I'll run home, oh I'll run home
Maybe clear my mind
I don't know, no I don't know

But when I'm back again
I'll fall back down since
When I try to hide
My thoughts always find me

No rain anymore
Just the clouds, just the clouds
Hear me screaming, sure
Not as loud, no not as loud

Tear my wings apart
I'll just boil gently
And what more is anger
Than just a motivated form of sadness

I'm giving up on me
I feel it now, I can't breathe
Don't know how to change myself
No question now, I can't stay this way

Monday, September 8, 2014

Swimming.

I grew up a swimmer.

I was in swimming lessons as far back as I can remember.

I LOVED to swim! :)

I loved the feeling of floating.

Splashing around.

Earning my swim badges.

I hated getting out.

It was always so cold in the change rooms.

I remember this one specific day at Sargent Park Pool, after getting out of the water, I just felt miserable because I was so cold.

I wrapped myself in my towel, and I sat on the bench in front of my locker, and I cried.

My mom would usually wait for me outside of the change room for me to come out, but when I wasn't coming out, she came in looking for me.

And found me crying.

She asked me what was wrong. I told her that I was so cold.

She reassured me, that I just had to get dried off, get dressed, and I'll be warm in no time.

I hated having to unwrap my towel, because then the cold air could get at me.

But she was right, and I knew it.

So I towelled off, got dressed, and yeah, I warmed up in no time.

Right now, I kinda feel like I did when I sat there and cried.

I've made the decision to leave my church.

There's a lot of reasons behind it that I'm not gonna get into in this post.

But yesterday was my last Sunday as worship team leader.

I only told a few people - my pastors, the worship team, and a couple people in the church.

This whole experience has felt like my swimming lessons.

You get to the pool, stand at the edge, and jump in.

And it's cold! Kinda takes your breath away for a couple seconds.

But you get used to it, you get your bearings, and you go have fun, learning things along the way.

That's what it was for me. I stood at the edge for a long, long time. Then finally it was time for me to jump in.

And it took me a bit to figure it out, to get my bearings.

But I did, and I had fun with it, learning things along the way.

But, just like swimming lessons, all things must come to an end.

The time has come when the Lord has called me out of the pool, this lesson is over.

And just like at the end of swim time, you gotta put your pool stuff away - any flutter boards, or balls, or life jackets you've used, they need to be set up for the next group to use.

Today I sent Nat - the new team leader - the song list, all the lyrics, and all the PDF files for all the songs in the music library. Got that stuff set up for him to use.

And now I find myself sitting in the locker room, stuck between swimming and the rest of life, just feeling miserable. Knowing that it's time to move on, yet wanting to go back to where it was comfortable and fun, where I knew what I was doing.

And I hate this place.

But, just like my mom came to reassure me, I know that the Lord is reassuring me, telling me that yeah, this moment right now sucks, but I don't just need to wallow here being miserable. I just gotta dry myself off, get dressed, and I'll be warm in no time.

And hey, there's always another swimming lesson next week. ;)