grad, and maybe a house! =D

Wow, I have lots to blog about today!!! First of all, as the title suggests, grad! I am officially a graduate! CHYEAH!!! Stacey Ingram, B.A. THAT'S ME!!!! =D Oh my goodness, I've cried so much this past week, especially yesterday, holy smokes... Just thinking about grad made me tear up! I never really thought I'd get to this point, but here I am, yay!!! =D

Saturday evening was our banquet, it was so yummy! Bacon-wrapped tenderloin, carrots, asparagus, shrimp, and poitato pear Williams (they were pretty much mashed potatoes shaped like a pear and deep-fried). Dessert was marinaded berries in a touille bowl, which was basically a bowl made with fortune cookie stuff... Yummo! =D My mom, Georgio, and Dennis came too, I had a great time! =)

Sunday morning, Mom and Granny came to the bacclaureate service, it was really nice! =) They stayed for lunch too, we had turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, and mixed veggies, with pumpkin pie and whipped cream for dessert, yum! =D We sat in the commons cuz the dining hall was full. Laura, Sherrie, and some others were there, INCLUDING the Ramsey's! =D It was so great to see them again! I've missed them...

Then after lunch, I went for pictures and Mom and Granny left. After pics, I had an hour before having to be at Knox, so I checked my FB, then went up to the commons and hung out with Laura and Nicole. Then we walked over to tKnox together with Sherrie. I headed downstairs to get robed and ready, but it felt like forever that we had to wait, and it was hot and dry down there and we just wanted to get up there and do it! But then we went, and I was so excited!!! When we were going in, I saaw Mom and Granny, Drake and Debi (Drake caught my hand and was like, "Hi Stacey!" and I was so happy to see him there, I was like, "Hey! =D" but I had to keep walking lol!) and someone else shouted to me but I didn't see who it was... All I could think about was how I needed to count 1-2-3 beforew going down the aisle, then trying not to trip, cuz I was shaking haha... Then going up the steps I almost tripped, but didn't, thank goodness LOL!

Then all the speeches and stuff, it was all really good, except for one part just seemed to go on forever lol... Then the certificate grads got their certs, then the degree grads went... Oh my goodness I could not wipe the smile off my face, but I was also fighting the tears lol... When it was my turn to get hooded, I handed my hood to Dr. Burke, and he was whispering to me, and even while he was hooding me, telling me how proud he was of me, and I kept looking down because I knew if I were to look up and see people I would've cried... and cried... and cried... lol... Actually what was going through my mind as I was getting hooded and shook hands was, "Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry..." I mean, I know it's okay to cry, but I knew that if I would've started crying, I wouldn't have stopped... So I waited... Then as we all stood together, the audience cheered and stood for us, and I really had to fight the tears... But they were happy tears, I was so happy to finally be done! =D

Then after we got off the stage and people came and hugged me, and I was smiling and doing fine, then my mom came and hugged me, and I almost started to cry... Aww Mom I love you =) We took some pics, then headed over to the college for the reception. Shayani had a gift for me, it was a picture frame with an attachment piece that attaches with magnet (it's really cool!) that holds my tassle. And people just kept coming and hugging me and congratulating me, which was cool, there were lots of people there that I knew, but I was so close to crying, and I didn't wanna cry in front of all those people (it's just how I am...)

Then the Butler's came over and they had a gift for me too but Curtis had to go get it from the car, so he did. I opened the card first (as I believe should be done), and it was signed by my church family, which I was not expecting at all, and I just burst out crying, I couldn't hold it in anymore. Thankfully my mom had tissues lol... That card meant the world to me, because it really solidified in me once again how much my church family loves me and accepts me, just as much as I love them! =) The gift was a picture album box thing (it's hard to explain lol...) where you pull it out from the top, and it's like a photo album in a box frame, it's really neat! And in the front there was a Scripture verse and a MLK quote, that I can't remember what it is right now... And in the back was a congratulations note to me, both of those were typed up and put in there for me. It was amazing, I couldn't believe it, and I love it so much! Thanks you guys, it really means a lot to me and I was so touched, so thank you! =)

Haha then I got home and I cried and cried and cried... My mom had gone to bed, and I was so incredibly exhausted from such a busy weekend, but I couldn't sleep... So I cleaned off my desk a bit, and organised a bit, and put my grad cards up on my wall. And I was texting Anna too, and actually what was going through my head at that point was, "OH MY GOSH, THERE'S A DEGREE SITTING ON MY DESK!!! A FREAKIN DEGREE! ON MY DESK! WITH MY NAME ON IT!!!" Hahahaha...

Anywho, enough about grad... on to the "maybe a house" part of this blog title!!! Today I went with Shayani to visit a house that has rooms for rent. It is on Mountain right by Salter, three blocks away from my granny's house. OH. MY. WORD! I LOVE THIS HOUSE!!! It's a big three-story house, and there's a little room on the main floor for $325, and a big room with two parts on the second floor for $425. Shayani and I talked about it after visiting, and if we do go with this house, I would take the downstairs room, she would take the upstairs far room, and the first room in the upstairs one we would share, and we would split the cost $375 each. Which would be great, because in sharing this room, it would give me (having the little room downstairs) some more room to put my stuff, and we could have that area for just me and her. There is another girl there too, Christina, who just moved in yesterday, she's also on the second floor, and the lady that owns the house has the whole third floor as her bedroom (cuz it's all pretty much just one area...) And we'd have access to the whole house, everything included in our rent (water, heat, etc.), and we would pretty much live in Christian community. COOL!!! =D As well, the house is open as a safe place for kids to come hang out, kinda like a Block Parent type thing. There are boundaries to that, of course, Debbie (the one who owns the house) said that they come once a week, usually between 4-6. It's in connection to Inner City Youth Alive, which is super cool! And Christina is also wanting to get into youth pastorship (like me!), so that's awesome! She's connected with ICYA too!

So yeah, that's basically it... Right now, I'm super loving this house! It is farther away from downtown than I originally wanted, but what Debbie is doing for the kids, and how she dreams of having a Christian community living together, is exactly what I would love to do! I actually JUST finished reading Blue Like Jazz the other day, and in it Don talks a lot about how he lived in a Christian community like that, guys only of course, and I thought to myself how cool that would be, to live in a female Christian community like that! And here it is, right here in front of me, that opportunity! I really really REALLY super love this house and the plans surrounding it... Lol while Shayani and I were there, some girls came over, I guess it's Mondays that are the days that they come... And Debbie makes them supper and hangs out with them and stuff... So we stayed for supper as well, Debbie is so gracious! =) And Shayani and I also chatted with Christina too, she's super cool lol and she really hopes that we come... I would honestly love to! =D But we'll see what happens, where God leads us...

If we do go with this house, the plan is to move in for September, although we are welcome to come sooner if we decide to. And you know what? I'm completely up for moving in there! I am super excited to move out! And I think I would rather move into a community like that instead of into an apartment right away, just me and Shayani, because living just the two of us together like that coming straight out of our parents' houses seems a little scary, but having that community life thing, we would have each other, the four of us, for support, for prayer, for helping each other out. It doesn't seem as scary! Actually, it's super exciting!!! =D

Anywho, I think this post has been long enough, and if you've read all the way to this point, you're awesome LOL! Please keep us in your prayers as we move into this part of life and start to work through our options! =)

"Consuming Fire" Hillsong United

There must be more than this
Oh breath of God, come breathe within
There must be more than this
Spirit of God, we wait for You

Fill us anew, we pray
Fill us anew, we pray

Consuming fire, fan into flame
A passion for Your Name
Spirit of God, would You fall in this place
Lord have Your way, Lord have Your way with us

Come like a rushing wind
Clothe us with power from on high
Now set the captives free
Leave us abandonned to Your praise

Lord let Your glory fall
Lord let Your glory fall

Consuming fire, fan into flames
A passion for Your Name
Spirit of God, would You fall in this place
Lord have Your way, Lord have Your way

Consuming fire, fan into flames
A passion for Your Name
Spirit of God, fall in this place
Lord have Your way, Lord have Your way with us

Come like a rushing wind
Clothe us with power from on high
Now set the captives free
Leave us abandonned to Your praise

Lord let Your glory fall
Lord let Your glory fall

Consuming fire, fan into flames
A passion for Your Name
Spirit of God, would You fall in this place
Lord have Your way, Lord have Your way

Consuming fire, fan into flames
A passion for Your Name
Spirit of God, would You fall in this place
Lord have Your way, Lord have Your way with us

Stir it up in our hearts, Lord
Stir it up in our hearts, Lord
Stir it up in our hearts
A passion for Your Name

"The Stand" Hillsong United

You stood before creation
Eternity in Your hands
And You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
And carried the cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart, oh God
Completely to You

I'll walk upon salvation
Your spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart, oh God
Completely to You

I'll stand with arm high and heart abandonned
In awe of the One who gave it all
I'll stand, my soul, Lord, to You surrendered
All I have is Yours

"Hello" Evanescence

Playground school bell rings again
Rain clouds come to play again
Has no one told you she's not breathing?
Hello? I'm your mind,
Giving you someone to talk to
Hello?

If I smile and don't believe
Soon, I know, I'll wake from this dream,
Don't try to fix me, I'm not broken!
Hello? I'm the lie,
Living for your so you can hide
Hello?

Suddenly I know I'm not sleeping
Hello? I'm still here,
All that's left of yesterday...

Yesterday...

...was a really great day! =D I bought my dress for grad, as well as leggings to go underneath it, and a pair of jeans (size 7!!!) and a tshirt, AND as a bonus, my dress was part of a "buy 1 get 1 free" sale, so I also got myself a really nice sweater! =D And it was all done in Portage Place! But I still need to get something to go over my dress, like a shawl or something...

Anna had come with me shopping, so then when I was done (cuz she didn't shop for anything...) we went back to her place for dinner and movies! It was so fun! =) We watched Benny and Joon (I love that movie), then Wizard of Oz, and she made us fries and some kind of farmer sausage/onion/red and green bell pepper stuff, it was soooo yummo!!! =D Then we had chips and dip, i LOVE spinach dip! =D Then after the movies we sat and chatted, and had a really good conversation! It's been so long since we've really talked about stuff, and it felt really good to catch up with her =)

As an update to my previous post, I was able to find "The Bondage Breaker," Anna has a copy that she let me borrow... But I want to finish "Blue Like Jazz" before I start another book... AAAAAND I got the book in the mail that I had ordered from TWLOHA! It's called "Purpose for the Pain" by Renee Yohe, and it's basically her journal entries through her journey from addiction and pain to sobriety and hope. I'm super looking forward to reading it! I love reading stuff like that because it's personal and it's real... I haven't been a drug addict or anything, so I can't relate to it on that level, but I have been down some pretty dark roads in my own journey, so even just connecting with someone like this, it's really inspiring and it gives me a lot of hope... =)

That's really all I have to say for now... I'm gonna head home and have some supper... I'm thinking either left-overs (if there is any...) or spaghetti with butter and spice, my fave! =D

a not-so-nice entry...

I think it's about time for a real down and dirty update... And when I say that, I mean about my struggles I've been facing...

Lately, I've been finding a lot of past emotions have been coming up again... Things I though I've dealt with, but apparently haven't... Last night I was reading from Blue Like Jazz (really interesting book) and it was triggering a lot of things in me... I can't remember exactly which chapter I was reading, but Don had written something like, "In order to obey God, you must love God, and in order to love God, you must first accept His love." That really hit me hard because I've been thinking lately how I haven't really been doing God's will, haven't been obeying Him, and I've always asked myself why I find it such a struggle, and why it's such a struggle to make the choice to love God enough to naturally obey His Word. And yet there it was right in front of me: because I haven't accepted God's love for me.

Later on in the book, I think it was in the next chapter, Don was retelling a conversation between the Israelites and Moses who had come down the mountain with the Ten Commandments only to find that the Israelites had made a golden cow to worship. It was at this part that I started to cry, because I could see myself as one of those Israelites. Moses had a special relationship with God, he was able to enter into the presence of God, while the Israelites had to wait at the foot of the mountain, never seeing God for themselves. When Moses was gone for so long, the Israelites grew impatient and made their own god that they could see for themselves and worship face to face. And when Moses came back down the mountain to see this happening, he didn't understand why they had done it. He reminded them that God had provided for them, freed them from the Egyptians, parted the Red Sea, led them by a pillar of cloud by day and a pillar of fire by night, fed them with manna from heaven, water from the rock, and quail, and yet the Israelites lose faith so quickly... It took 40 days to go from worshipping and praising God to worshipping a golden calf and acting like the pagans.

I've already said in a previous post the great things that God has done in my life, things that were, to me, as great as the parting of the Red Sea! There were times when I was so completely overtaken by the Spirit that I had no control over my body, when I was so in tune with God that I could hear His sweet whispers of love and comfort. And yet here I am, in with the Israelites waiting at the foot of the mountain, worshipping a god that I have created with my own hands. No, I haven't actually melted down gold and formed a calf, but I have lived for other things rather than for God. I cannot reveal here what I've done, but those who need to know already know...

Last night after putting my book away, I couldn't shake the feelings that were coming up in me again... To just get it out there, I used to be suicidal. I've worked through this enough that I'm comfortable in sharing this. I was dealing with a lot in my family life, and I struggled from grade 11 through til early in my second year of college. It was then that I finally opened up to some really close friends, and began learning a lot of things about myself, and began to get closer with God. Things were going well. But now some of these feelings are coming back. I want to say right now that I am not in danger, I do not want to hurt myself or anything like that.

I do believe in mental illnesses and stuff. But I believe that there are some mental illnesses that are not mental illnesses at all. I believe in angels, and I believe in demons. And I believe that just as much as angels protect us, demons try to destroy us. I'm not saying that when demons attack, it's like a scene from the exorcist, though I believe that that does happen... But I'm recognising that what's been going on with me lately has been an attack from demons, Satan trying to destroy me spiritually. And as hard as I try to stop it, I often fall for his traps... That's what happens when one hasn't accepted the love of God...

Anyways, as I was saying, last night I began having suicidal thoughts again (not that I would act on them, because I know it's an evil attack, but they were there), and it scared the crap outta me... I did find someone who was still up at 1am, (my good friend in B.C., so it was only 11pm there...), and we chatted via texting and I kinda filled her in on what I was going through, and even before I said anything about angels/demons, she said, and I quote: "It sounds like you are dealing with a demon of rejecction or depression/suicide." And I was completely thrown off, cuz I wasn't at all expecting anyone to say that! But she recommended "The Bondage Breaker" by Neil T. Anderson, which I've never heard of, so I will check it out...

Then later in conversation, she said to me, "One thing you need to deal with first is any unforgiveness issues, as this is a huge open door for the enemy." I've been dealing with a lot of those issues too before last night, with forgiving certain people who have hurt me (and continue to hurt me...), and forgiving myself for things I've done, mistakes I've made... It's been made clearer to me by another good friend that I've dealt with a lot of loss in my life, and that loss has had a huge impact on my life even if I don't always realise it. And more recently, especially with my biological father making an appearance in my life, this issues of loss have been surfacing and I've had to learn how to process all that and begin to work through it. A part of that process is learning how to forgive. Not forget, but forgive. And it's been really tough, I'm not gonna lie. Many times I find that I've just swept it all under the rug, so to speak, cuz I don't WANT to deal with it. And if it's under the rug, then I don't see it, I don't think about it, I don't have to deal with it, and it'll all be fine. But obviously, things don't work like that...

So, this is me. This is part of my dark side. I'm not the happy-go-lucky person that I tend to portray. Yes, I know there are days when I'm actually happy, there are times when my smile is a real smile, and when my nice words are genuine. But not always. Just thought I'd get this out there cuz they say that the first step is confessing it, getting it out there, because then you can admit it to yourself and begin the healing process.

Sand Bagging!

I went sand bagging yesterday morning on Scotia, what a great experience! I went right at the beginning, at about 9:45, there were only maybe 30 of us to start, but throughout the day we got more and more and more people there, eventually getting up to about 500! There were two groups, I was at Jefferson, and there was another group to the south. Dennis also came by after his dentist appointment, got there about 12:15... Then we left at 1:15 cuz my arms were so sore, both my skin and my muscles... I wasn't told to bring a long-sleeve shirt until I got to the Kildonan Park Pavilion (the meeting spot), so my arms got pretty scraped up from the plastic burlap and the wet sand... But that's aight...

I met a couple people there... I met a lady from Roseau River (sp?) who was an evacuee so she came to help out. I met another girl from Pembina and Stafford who came out to help. I met a lady that I don't know where she was from... I talked with many people whom I didn't get there names... It's interesting to see how the community all comes together to help, it was amazing! There was a guy there who had been sand bagging for 31 days straight, that's incredible...

And the river, oh my goodness! When we got there, the water on the other side of the dike was only a couple inches high and one of the workers was able to step down there to pack the sand bags, but by the time we left, the water had risen a few feet, it was crazy!

This morning, I am so incredibly sore! I woke up around 7 cuz Abby was barking (a daily routine she has developped...), and I went to roll over and couldn't move! Then I got a call from my kitchen manager at about 8, and it was torture to roll over and answer it... (no worries, I wasn't in trouble or anything lol). Then when I actually woke up at 12:45, it took me forever to actually get outta bed... Then I had to go to Kids Cafe for 4, oh man I was hurting! But it went okay at KC, once I really got moving I was fine...

I was thinking of sand bagging some more tomorrow, but I'm not sure if they need any baggers anymore... I called 311 tonight and as of now they have enough volunteers, but the lady told me I can try again in the morning because it might change. So we'll see, if I'm not too sore still tomorrow I'll head back. This time, I will wear a long-sleeve shirt.
But I have no regrets!

Done Done Done! =D

I am officially finished ALL my assignments!!! =D NO MORE PAPERS FOR MEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! And I have no exams either! Yeah! =D Haha last night I pulled my last late-night-finishing-a-paper-for-tomorrow-morning night! I finished at 3am! But a lot of that was because it took a LOT of time just flipping through the gospels trying to find certain stories. I usually use Bible Gateway to find them fast, but without Internet at home, I can't, so I flipped through the gospel at least fifty times last night...

But I'm actually really happy with my paper! At first I was a little concerned on how I would fit so much information into only 6-8 pages (I wrote on Jesus the Master Teacher), but once I got to writing, it all just fit into place perfectly. By the time I was done, I had 6.5 pages, which is great! =) So I got to bed at 3:30, got up 7:30 feeling not too bad overall lol! But I know fatigue will kick in sometime in the early afternoon... I can already feel the tiredness coming... BUT, I can have coffee now! =)

Speaking of coffee... haha... I've reflected on my coffee drinking habits (pre-Lent, of course), and knowing that I am a caffeine addict (seriously...), I know that now that Lent is over, I will want coffee coffee coffee. But I'm gonna try to NOT do that... So far, it hasn't worked, but beginning tomorrow, I will only have coffee every other day. And this is only coffee, not tea, because I enjoy having a cup of tea and curling up with a good book in the evenings... So today I have a Timmy's, so tomorrow I will not have any coffee. I really hope to stick with this because I don't wanna fall back into drinking too much coffee, cuz withdrawal sucks...

Also, I would like to continue to eat healthy. Not to the extend of giving it all up like during Lent, but making healthier choices, like choosing to eat an apple instead of chips or chocolate when I get the munchies, or having a glass of water or milk instead of pop. It feels good to eat healthy, and there's still some really delicious things to eat that are really good for you!

Haha I love how my blog on being done assignments has turned to food... Anyways, back to being done done done! Now I get to prepare for grad, I'm so super stoked!!! =D I got an email from the college prez yesterday asking if I'd be willing to offer the grace at the grad banquet, which is a huge honour for me! That reminds me, I need to email him back to confirm...

And I have to go shopping for something to wear! It's a semi-formal banquet, but I have NOTHING to wear, cuz I don't wear "nice" clothes, all I have is jeans LOL! I'm thinking of wearing a skirt... I'm not a huge fan at all of dresses, unless I'm at a super formal thing... This is just semi-formal, so I'll look for a skirt... I do have a skirt at home, but I'd never wear it as something nice haha it was the skirt I got for Halloween this past year when I dressed up as Medusa... That was cool...

Another thing I'm trying to get done is getting those darn pictures off my computer at home onto my laptop/CD's. The problem is that the computer is so old, it doesn't recognise my memory stick, it doesn't have a CD burner, and no network cable plug-in. So what I'm doing is putting them on floppy disks, taking the discs to the college (where the computers have floppy disk drives) to transfer them to my memory stick to transfer to my laptop. It's complicated, it's tim consuming, and I've been doing this since last year, and I don't even think I'm halfway through the pics lol! But it's only been at the beginning and end of semesters that I've been able to actually work on it cuz of assignments taking priority... =P

I think that's about it for now... I do have more to blog but it's all downer stuff and I'm in a really good mood from being done so I'm not gonna get into that stuff now... So I'm gonna get back to my floppy disks haha so old school, they make me happy, I love it... =)

"Let's rise and shine" Michael Coren

This is an article I found in the Winnipeg Sun today:

Let's Rise and Shine

Really makes you think about how Easter is celebrated in the world today...

"Love Is Here" Tenth Avenue North

Come to the water, you who thirst, and you'll thirst no more
Come to the Father, you who work, and you'll work no more

And all you who labour in vain
And to the broken and shamed

Love is here, love is now
Love is pouring from His hands,
From His brow
Love is near, it satisfies
Streams of mercy flowing from His side
Cuz love is here

Come to the treasure, you who search, and you'll search no more
Come to the Lover, you who want, and you'll want no more

And all you who labour in vain
And to the broken and shamed

Love is here, love is now
Love is pouring from His hands,
From His brow
Love is near, it satisfies
Streams of mercy flowing from His side

And to the bruised and fallen,
Captives, bound, and broken hearted
He is the Lord, He is the Lord
By His stripes He's paid our ransom
From His wounds we drink salvation
He is the Lord, He is the Lord

Love is here, love is now
Love is pouring from His hands,
From His brow
Love is near, it satisfies
Streams of mercy flowing from His side
Streams of mercy flowing from His side
Cuz love is here
Love is here

Good Friday Post

I don't even know where to start this blog... Hmm...

Well, Easter is usually my favourite time of the year, not just because of all the chocolate (which is obviously an added bonus, but not the point), but because it's a reminder of the sacrifice of Christ. Usually when I think about Resurrection Sunday, I find it hard to contain my joy!

But this year, I'm finding that the passion is just not there... It really became obvious to me last night, we had a "Journey with Jesus" prayer night at Weston, and there was just me, Curtis, and Trish there, and I was supplying music with my laptop, and I was more interested in playing on my laptop than participating in the prayer time. I actually stopped to think about that when I got home afterwards, and I cried because I really realised how uninterested I am in Easter this year... And I don't really know why...

I mean, I have all the head-knowledge, I know that Jesus came and died a horrible brutal death, and rose again in three days. But the heart-knowledge is gone, I don't feel anything about that... I'm at a point right now in my life where I'm really questioning everything, especially my spiritual life. I suppose in the long run this is good because I'll be able to own my faith rather than just believing because others believe... But just going through this process is difficult, and I'm frustrated with myself for not being more passionate... It's just not there...

I've also been questioning the church lately... and I don't really have time to go into this right now cuz I have to leave in 5 minutes, but I will write this here so I will remember to blog about it another time... Until then, I will just keep trudging through, I suppose, until I can grasp this...

"God of Justice" Tim Hughes

i was first introduced to this song in february at the "unite" retreat at arnes... it's a powerful song, it spoke to me then, it speaks to me now, and i pray that it speaks to you too...

God of justice, Saviour to all
Came to resuce the weak and the poor
Choose to serve and not be served

Jesus, you have called us
Freely we've received, now freely we will give

We must go, live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken, we must go
Stepping forward, keep us from just singing
Move us into action, we must go

To act justly everyday
Loving mercy in every way
Walking humbly before You, God

You have shown us what you require
Freely we've received, now freely we will give

We must go, live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken, we must go
Stepping forward, keep us from just singing
Move us into action, we must go

Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out
Fill us up and send us out Lord

We must go, live to feed the hungry
Stand beside the broken, we must go
Stepping forward, keep us from just singing
Move us into action, we must go

update on life

i don't really have much time to write this, i have to be downstairs in 15 minutes for lunch so i'll make this fast....

25-hour fast this past weekend went really well i think, had fun, car rally was great! a bunch of us got sick though, one saturday night (got her some bread and she was okay), one during the night, and a couple of us in the morning from eating too much... but the food was good, kudos to hannah for making most of it, yay! =D and thanks to nat for making the hashbrowns, and to georgio for making the grilled cheese, and to cindy for the pork sausage patties, they were delicious! =D

georgio's shower went well too, i did get all the stuff done that i needed to so that was good =) lots of presents, that's great!

and i also got everything done for my MTM yesterday, and it went really well, i was pleased! so now all that's left to do for school is to get this paper done! it's due next tuesday at 9am, i'm fairly sure i'll get it done, as long as i can buckle down and do it! i'm thinking that this afternoon i will go through the books and stuff that i have, jot notes, etc., and same with tomorrow morning. then tomorrow afternoon/evening i have KC and YG. nat's leading a bible study at YG, i'm looking forward to what he's got planned! we also have to plan the easter egg hunt for sunday at the church... i'm thinking of getting some plastic eggs and filling some with candy, and some with messages, and do kinda what jeff did yesterday for his MTM, stations of the cross... maybe, i unno we'll figure something out...

but now i must go, it's time for lunch...

No uni-brows

Knight, Jed I.

Fasting?

In the Old Testament, fasting was often a sign of mourning. Israelites would fast and pray, wearing sackcloth and putting ashes on their heads. King David fasted when God threatened to kill his firstborn child because of David’s sin with Bathsheba (2 Sam. 12:15b-23). The Israelites fasted when leaders were killed (2 Sam. 1:12). It was a sign of humility before God, and the Israelites would fast and pray when they would plead for God’s mercy (1 Kgs. 21:27; 2 Chr. 20:3; Ezra 8:21-23; Est. 4:3; Ps. 35:13; Dan. 9:3ff) and when they confessed their sins and returned to God (1 Sam. 7:6; Neh. 1:4; 9:1-2; Joel 2:12; Jonah 3:5).

But God has different views of fasting. To the Israelites – and even to us today – fasting has become a ritual; a religious rite. Jesus tells us that when we fast, we must do it in a way that people don’t know that we’re fasting, rather than being like the hypocrites, who brag and show off that they’re fasting so that people will think highly of them (Matt. 6:16-18). The entire chapter of Isaiah 58 is God speaking about fasting. The people would wonder why God would not answer them when they fasted and prayed. But when they would fast and pray, they would not treat their neighbour as God demanded. They would “exploit all [their] workers” (v. 3), and get into fights (v. 4). No, God has different expectations. God wants social justice: “Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen: to loose the chains of injustice and untie the cords of the yoke, to set the oppressed free and break every yoke? Is it not to share your food with the hungry and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter – when you see the naked, to clothe him, and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?”

Even Zechariah delivers a message from God about fasting. The people of Bethel had sent messengers to the house of the Lord to ask if they should “mourn and practice abstinence in the fifth month, as I have done for so many years” (Zech. 7:3). This fasting was to commemorate the destruction of the Temple, but now that the Temple is being rebuilt, they want to know if they still need to commemorate its destruction. But God says, “When you fasted and lamented in the fifth month and in the seventh, for these seventy years, was it really for me that you fasted? And when you eat and when you drink, do you not eat and drink only for yourselves?” Fasting and mourning for the people of Bethel had become a tradition and a ritual, a way to make themselves look good rather than humbling themselves and getting a closer relationship with God.

I often wonder if this is what has become of us doing this fast every year: has it become just a tradition? Something we do simply because it’s what we do? So that when we’re collecting pledges, people will say, “Oh wow this is such a great thing for you to do, good for you!”? I’ll be the first to admit that I sometimes have this kind of thinking. I like it when people recognise stuff I do. But I’ll also be the first to admit that this is wrong of us. When we do this fast, it is not simply a time for us to hang out together and have fun for 25 hours. It is to raise money for Partners in Missions, to lend a hand in fighting injustices in our world. Proverbs 31:8-9 says, “Speak out for those who cannot speak, for the rights of all the destitute. Speak out, judge righteously, defend the rights of the poor and needy.” I truly believe that this is what Partners in Missions does. And not only speaking out, but doing something about it.

These past couple days I've been reflecting and praying about this. I used to think that the fast was about raising awareness in ourselves and our communities about hunger around the world - this was how it was presented. But this year my views have changed. This year, for me, this is a way of coming to God just as the Israelites did, a way of confessing my sins to Him and pleading for mercy and justice in the world.

As I write that, I'm reminded of the time I went to Three Hills, Alberta for JesusFest in 2004. There was a prayer room there, full of different things to do, and one of them was a "Stomping on Injustices" thing: there was a big sheet of paper on the floor with things like "hunger," "poverty," "sexual trafficking," "AIDS," etc written on it, and a bucket of paint for us to dip our feet in and literally stomp on the injustices. For me at that time it didn't impact me that much, but now as I think about it, that was really powerful... Hmm...

happy april! =D

i do want to point out that when i said that i can't get on facebook with my phone, that wasn't an april fool's joke, i really can't get on... maybe it's mts pulling a joke on me? when i try to sign in, it says "secure connection failed" and won't let me! =( i'm thinking i should take it in and ask what's up with that...

anywho, on to my actual post i wanted to write! i've been reading people's facebook statuses today, and most of them are something to the effect of, "no more snow! i want spring!" which i can understand, i'm looking forward to spring weather too... but i also love the snow! and no this is not a rant lol i'm just saying... when i was walking to my bus stop this morning, i saw the most beautiful image ever! the trees along leila were all covered in snow, the kinda wet sticky snow that piles up on all the branches, it was so beautiful! so i took a picture =)

but i am looking forward to when we can finally put our jackets away... actually i'm looking forward to puddle jumping! =D i LOVE jumping in puddles!!! lol get all soaked and muddy, then head inside for a nice cup of hot chocolate and curl up in an afghan... i love spring =)