"Let It All Out" Relient K

Let it all out, get it all out
Rip it out remove it
Don't be alarmed when the wound begins to bleed
Cause we're so scared to find out what this life's all about
So scared we're going to lose it
Not knowing all along that's exactly what we need

And today I'll trust you with the confidence of a man who's never known defeat
But tomorrow upon hearing what I did I will stare at you in disbelief
Oh, inconsistent me, crying out for consistency

And you said I know that this will hurt
But if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
Remember the end will justify the pain it took to get us there

And I'll let it be known at times I have shown
Signs of all my weakness
But somewhere in me there is strength
And you promise me that you believe
In time I will defeat this
Cause somewhere in me there is strength

And today I'll trust you with the confidence
Of a man who's never known defeat
And I'll try my best to just forget
That that man isn't me

And you said I know that this will hurt
But if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse
If the burden seems too much to bear
Remember the end will justify the pain it took to get us there

You said I know that this will hurt (I know this will hurt)
But if I don't break your heart then things will just get worse
When the burden seems too much to bear
Remember the end will justify the pain it took to get us there

Reach out to me, make my heart brand new
Every beat will be for you, for you
And I know you know you touched my life
When you touched my heavy heart and made it light

"Tear My Wings Apart" Lynnea Malley

Spiral to the ground
I'll run home, oh I'll run home
Maybe clear my mind
I don't know, no I don't know

But when I'm back again
I'll fall back down since
When I try to hide
My thoughts always find me

No rain anymore
Just the clouds, just the clouds
Hear me screaming, sure
Not as loud, no not as loud

Tear my wings apart
I'll just boil gently
And what more is anger
Than just a motivated form of sadness

I'm giving up on me
I feel it now, I can't breathe
Don't know how to change myself
No question now, I can't stay this way

"It Comes and Goes in Waves" Greg Laswell

This song hurts.

It hurts right down to my core.

I can't stop listening to it.

And yet every time it repeats, it hurts even more.

I am a puddle on my floor right now, except for the fact that I'm struggling to type this post.

This song just hits right at the very heart of me.

Lately I've been struggling with life (who isn't, really?), trying to work through choices I've made, and the consequences of such choices.

It's a long process.

It suuuucks.

And it's really painful.

I'm really hesitant to write about it in detail here, because I know there are some people who read this that it will affect. And right now, I'm not ready to bring them into this yet...

"Listen To Our Hearts" Casting Crowns

"The Well" Casting Crowns

"Audible Emotion" Lynnea Malley

If I knew less about anatomy
I'd swear my veins were filled with sound
My pulse is simple proof of
How it sustains my existence

Everything that lets me own
Re-enforces how this is all I can rely on
It fills me

Everyone that tears me down
Convinces me there's nothing else worth trusting
I don't hear songs
I feel them

How can I focus when
How can I listen when I can't hear anything
Over the sound of my song
Louder than everything
Stronger than anything
Ohhhhh it makes me whole

How can I focus when
How can I listen when I can't hear anything
Over the sound of my song
It's growing louder than everything
Stronger than anything
This is my everything
It fills me

I know it's an unstable industry
People say you can't make a life out of this
But what what they don't realise is
My life is already this

Music is what lifts me up
Music is something I rely on
It fills me

Fills me through every day
Reminds me that there's something worth trusting
I don't hear songs...

And tell me how can I focus when
How can I listen when I can't hear anything
Over the sound of my song
It's growing louder than everything
Stronger than anything
This is my everything

I don't hear songs
I feel them

"Turn It All Around" Misty Edwards

I knew what I was getting into, and I still like you
I knew what I was getting into

He says, for only I can see the end from the beginning
And only I can see where this is going
When you see only your weakness, I see the seeds of righteousness and love in you
I know where you are going

And I am not shocked by your brokenness
I am not disgusted by your humanity
I know you better than that
And I know you even better, even better than you know yourself
Listen, my beloved

I knew what I was getting into when I called you
(And I want you)
I knew what I was getting into when I said your name, but I said it just the same
(You're failure does not surprise me)
I knew what I was getting into and I still like you
(So don't draw back)
I knew what I was getting into

And I have no regrets about calling you, none at all
Cuz only I can see the end from the beginning
And only I can see where this is going
And I see in you real love

When all you see is the struggle, I see the fight
(I see the heart cry)
I see you there on your bed at night
(You long to love me, I see it clearly)
You say, "I really wanna be yours God! I really hate my sin!"
I see you
(And I receive that cry from you)

And I say, all that I'm asking is that you fight the good fight
(And you cry out to me)
I will answer you
(I will help you)
My beloved one
(I do love you more than you know)
You have no idea the way you move me
(You move heart, my beloved ones)

Of all of the world of my Father's house, it doesn't move me
Of all of the nations, they don't move me
But you...

I knew what I was getting into when I called you
I knew what I was getting into when I said your name
(Don't hate yourself, because I love you)

Just be honest, come be real
(Do not despise who you are, because I love you)
I know your frame, I know you are but dust
But I see the gold
(I see the gold in your heart)
I see the strength

I knew what I was getting into when I called you
I knew what I was getting into when I said your name
I said it just the same

Just don't give up, don't give in
If you don't quit, you win, you win
Just don't give up, don't give in
If you don't quit, you win, you win

Cuz everything is in my hands
It's gonna be alright, you're gonna be okay
(If you could see what I see when I look at you, you would rejoice)
Everything is in my hands
It's gonna be alright, you're gonna be okay
(If you could see what I see when I look at you, says the Lord, your hearts would rejoice)
Everything is in my hands
(I have such plans)
It's gonna be alright, you're gonna be okay
(We have a great future together forever, if you could only see)

Just don't, just don't give up, don't give in
If you don't quit, you win, you win
Just don't give up, don't give in
If you don't quit, you win, you win

He's gonna turn it all around, just wait and see
He's gonna make everything beautiful, just in time
He's gonna turn it all around, just wait and see
He's gonna make everything beautiful, just in time

Just don't give up, don't give in
If you don't quit, you win, you win
Just don't give up, don't give in
If you don't quit, you win, you win

Everything is in my hands
It's gonna be alright, you're gonna be okay
It's gonna be alright...

Just fight the good fight
Fight the good fight
Fight the good fight
Fight the good fight
Fight the good fight
And don't give up

Just don't give up, don't give in
If you don't quit, you win, you win
It's all that I'm asking you

Don't give up, don't give in
If you don't quit, you win, you win

He's gonna turn it all around, just wait and see
He's gonna make everything beautiful, just in time
He's gonna turn it all around, just wait and see
He's gonna make everything beautiful, just in time

"Heartbeat" by Sean Dayton

"Holy Spirit" Bryan & Katie Torwalt, cover done by WorshipMob

"Second Chances" Rend Collective Experiment

"Syncopated Lonely" Lynnea Malley

"Your Grace Still Amazes Me" Phillips Craig and Dean

"Just As I Am" Nichole Nordeman

I wondered how to come to You
I did not dare believe it true
That You regard the orphaned ones
Beloved daughters, worthy sons

The broken and the barren too
I heard I could find some rest in You
What kind of love in injury's place
Would leave instead the stain of grace?

So I come in sorrow and I come in shame
I come to the cross with my pain

Just as I am, without one plea,
But that thy blood was shed for me
And that Thou bidst me come to Thee
O Lamb of God, I come, I come

The pardon that I found from sin
Spilled out from where the nails went in
My heart will ever more proclaim
I had not lived until that day
(O Lamb of God, I come...)

And I know there is a crown for me
Beyond where mortal eyes can see (I fly away...)
And I don't nod to any man
But offer me just as I am

So I come rejoicing with hands held high
I come singing words of new life

Just as I am, without one plea
But that thy blood was shed for me
And that Thou bidst me come to Thee
O Lamb of God
O Lamb of God
O Lamb of God
I come

Quick Post!

No I don't have internet yet, yes I am doing this from my phone, but this is because I'm super excited about it and wanted to share! :) This morning I performed a solo at my church for the offering, which was totally last minute, but worked out perfectly!

The song is called "What Do I Know of Holy" by Addison Road, and it's a song that's been really speaking to me this past week, and so I needed to learn how to play it, which I did. Then when I got to church, Karen (who was leading worship cuz the Butlers were at CFOT with the Hickmans for their welcome weekend service) mentioned that she didn't have a song picked out for the offering so we would just do one of the other songs again, unless I had something about holiness. So, of course, I mentioned this song that God had laid on my heart this week, and ta-da! We had a song for offering. So here it is :) it's not perfect, but I was nervous :P

"Charade" Amanda Falk

Another day, paint on a face that they expect to see
It’s not all I want, but it’s all I’ve got to make this world believe
Nothings wrong with me...
I’m an artist of emotion, a master of deceit
And the many faces I portray are nothing at all like me
How I long to be free

From this never-ending maze, oh my head's in a daze
Every time I think
Of this over-played charade, oh my hearts gonna fade
And I can’t go on...

It’s a tug-of-war each moment, to hide this pain inside
Or to open up and spill this cup of feelings that I hide?
But what would people do, what would people say?
When hear the truth, will they turn and run away?
Will they throw a stone, or lend a shoulder to lean on?

From this never-ending maze, oh my head's in a daze
Every time I think
Of this over-played charade, oh my hearts gonna fade
And I can’t go on...

It’s not fair, I can’t take this anymore
Oh these tears are drifting me from shore
Is there hope for someone just like me?
Then I hear a voice inside me say, "I can set you free

From this, never-ending maze, I will be your strength
If you let me in
So just, take my hand and see, if you follow me
You can be free..."

"Beautiful" Bethany Dillon

Along with "Calmer of the Storm," this is the other song I've decided on doing at the Zimbabwe fundraiser at Booth next Saturday (PS YOU SHOULD TOTALLY COME!!!!! =D) Absolutely beautiful song that has touched me personally, and I hope that by singing it next week it can touch someone else.

"Calmer of the Storm" Downhere

This song has really been speaking to me as of late... So when my friend Sherrie asked me if I wanted to play a song or two at a music cafe fundraiser at Booth, this song immediately came to mind.



PS if you're in Winnipeg, you should totally come to the fundraiser! April 16th, 6-9pm, $10, Booth College chapel. The students are raising funds for their mission trip to Zimbabwe, pretty sweet! =)

"How Many Kings" Downhere

Follow the star to a place unexpected
Would you believe after all we’ve projected
A child in a manger
Lowly and small, the weakest of all
Unlikeliness hero, wrapped in his mothers shawl
Just a child, is this who we’ve waited for?

Cause how many kings stepped down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become the least for me?
How many gods have poured out their hearts
To romance a world that has torn all apart?
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?

Bringing our gifts for the newborn savior
All that we have whether costly or meek
Because we believe
Gold for his honor and frankincense for his pleasure
And myrrh for the cross he’ll suffer
Do you believe, is this who we’ve waited for?
It’s who we’ve waited for

How many kings stepped down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become the least for me?
How many gods have poured out their hearts
To romance a world that has torn all apart?
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?
Only one did that for me

All for me, all for you
All for me, all for you

How many kings stepped down from their thrones?
How many lords have abandoned their homes?
How many greats have become the least?
How many gods have poured out their hearts
To romance a world that has torn all apart?
How many fathers gave up their sons for me?
Only one did that for me
All for me, all for you

"You Are Always There" by Stephan Lepage

You see right through me

You feel all my pain when I cry

You hold me, console me

You wipe all the tears from my eyes

I will give it all, nothing short of everything

I will lose my life to find life in You, my King

When all else has failed, I will look to You

Cuz You are always there, You're my strength and my refuge

You are always there

You know all my faults

My frame is before Your eyes

I need You, You love me

I value You more than my life

I will give it all, nothing short of everything

I will lose my life to find life in You, my King

When all else has failed, I will look to You

Cuz You are always there, You're my strength and my refuge

You are always there

Even in all Your glory

You remembered me

Even in all Your power

You still cared for me

Omniscient God, eternal Friend

You are with me til the end

I will give it all, nothing short of everything

I will lose my life to find life in You, my King

When all else has failed, I will look to You

Cuz You are always there, You're my strength and my refuge

Update

So.... Haven't updated in a while, so I figured I'd post something now, but I only have 20 minutes so I'll have to keep it quick...

First thing's first! I've been trying to work through something pretty personal, so I'm not gonna share what it is (yet?)... But I have recently confided in a good friend, and as it turns out, she's gone through it too! Hazzah! So that was a bit easier for me, talking to someone who knows what I'm talking about... Not that my issue is resolved - far from it - but at least I was able to tell someone who isn't actually involved in it, and that makes me feel better. =)

Work is going well, still working with the 2-yr-olds, still loving it! =D There are moments where I doubt myself and when I wonder why the heck I'm doing this, but then there are those moments where you see the fruits of your labour and you know exactly why you do it and it makes it all worthwhile! For example! My newest girl likes to grab a toy, throw it in one direction, then wander off in the other direction. When I catch this happening, I'll go guide her to the toy she threw and help her pick it up and put it away where it belongs. I haven't really seen any impact it's had on her, but last week her mom came in and asked about how we get her to clean up her toys, and so I told her. Turns out, this child had made a big mess with her toys at home, but then cleaned them up all on her own. I was so excited!!! =D She's been doing better with activities too, when she first started she didn't really want anything to do with them, but she's been showing more and more interest and spending more time doing the activities, and her mom is so excited about that! And it makes me excited too seeing her progress like that! =D

Another of my little boys is at the stage where he mimics EVERYTHING he sees me do! LOL it's so cute watching him now, cuz he'll even just do stuff that I would do without me even doing it first! For example, today one of the baby's shoes fell off, and so he went and picked it up, brought it back to the baby, and said, "We need to keep our shoes on Mister Mister!" I nearly lost it, it was so darn cute!!! =D He's very independent too, he wants to do everything himself! Which is totally fine with me, cuz he needs to learn to do things anyways... Ahhhh I love my kids!!!!! =)

Also, these past two weeks I've been house- and dog-sitting at the Butler's with Sandra. SOOOO fun! Oh my goodness we've watched so many movies, hung out a ton, went shopping, went to the Manitoba Children's Museum with the kids of one of the other daycare staff (we were babysitting), went to the zoo, and had so much fun! Oh goodness, we have so many insiders now, it's awesome! I'm gonna miss that.... =(

PS I have a new theme song for myself! "I'm Awesome" by Spose. Okay, not for real, but I heard it last night at pool and I claimed it as my own haha.



But I must go, gotta get back to work...