Good Friday Post

I don't even know where to start this blog... Hmm...

Well, Easter is usually my favourite time of the year, not just because of all the chocolate (which is obviously an added bonus, but not the point), but because it's a reminder of the sacrifice of Christ. Usually when I think about Resurrection Sunday, I find it hard to contain my joy!

But this year, I'm finding that the passion is just not there... It really became obvious to me last night, we had a "Journey with Jesus" prayer night at Weston, and there was just me, Curtis, and Trish there, and I was supplying music with my laptop, and I was more interested in playing on my laptop than participating in the prayer time. I actually stopped to think about that when I got home afterwards, and I cried because I really realised how uninterested I am in Easter this year... And I don't really know why...

I mean, I have all the head-knowledge, I know that Jesus came and died a horrible brutal death, and rose again in three days. But the heart-knowledge is gone, I don't feel anything about that... I'm at a point right now in my life where I'm really questioning everything, especially my spiritual life. I suppose in the long run this is good because I'll be able to own my faith rather than just believing because others believe... But just going through this process is difficult, and I'm frustrated with myself for not being more passionate... It's just not there...

I've also been questioning the church lately... and I don't really have time to go into this right now cuz I have to leave in 5 minutes, but I will write this here so I will remember to blog about it another time... Until then, I will just keep trudging through, I suppose, until I can grasp this...