I Feel

Broken.
Torn.
Hurt.
Confused.
Angry. At everything and yet at nothing at all.
Scared.
Closed in.
Trapped.
Alone. Even surrounded by people.
Small.
Insignificant.

I know these are not true, but it's how I'm feeling. I'm recognising that I'm getting to a low point again, I've been trying really hard these past couple weeks to fight it, but I'm getting tired.

People keep telling me to give it up to God. I do! The problem is, I snatch it back. It's such a struggle to leave it in His hands...

I've done so much baking this past weekend, I had to use up my pumpkin, but I also had to keep myself busy and distracted. I always do that... I'm afraid to face my storms cuz I'm afraid that I will get lost in them.

I want to be very clear on this right now. I have not intentionally hurt myself, nor do I plan to. Thoughts are there, yes, but I do not want to put them into action. But in saying that, I can definitely understand why cutters cut, I imagine it would be a big release. I say it again: I am not going to intentionally hurt myself.

Please pray for me... I'm not willing to share publicly yet, but there is a lot happening in my world right now, it's really hard to process it and deal with it all at once... I know that I will have better days, I just gotta get past these harder days first...