Vlog 1!

Here is my first attempt at vlogging! The program I used totally wrecked the sync between video and audio, and I was too lazy tired to rerecord this thing... But I figured out that I can record directly through YouTube, and I tested it, and it syncs the audio quite well, so next time!!! As for now, I apologise, just listen if you need... =P

Weekend.

Seriously, there are not enough days in the weekend. This weekend went by soooo fast, I don't even know where the time went! But I had a lot of fun!!! =D

Friday night I ended up going to see Sisters of the Holy Rock with the ladies' group at my church, then we went for Timmy's afterwards.

Saturday I went grocery shopping in the morning with my mom, then cleaned up my place a bit (put stuff away, vacuum, move my futon back, couple loads of laundry) cuz Debby came over to check out my apartment. OH BIG NEWS!!!!!!! Hold tight for a sec though, let me finish my weekend! =D

So then Deb and I headed over to St. B. Hospital to visit a mutual friend who is going through some serious mental health issues and so has voluntarily gone in to get help.

Afterwards, Alicia (not Alisha, I probably won't be writing anything concerning her actually, since we don't have any contact anymore), Navindra, and I went to the Salvation Army Thrift Store that's right by the hospital, and we were actually there until they closed lol! It was fun!!! I ended up getting two pairs of jeans, two pairs of shorts, a brown cardigan, and a little gumball machine for just over $30, sa-weeeeet!!!!! =D

So then after that, I went home, did another load of laundry, then Kayla came over for the night! And we had a hair dying party!!! =D

My first round of bleach


Kayla bleaching her bangs


My first round of bleach done


My second round of bleach


After the red. Didn't take any more in between, cuz it was after 3am and we were both exhausted.


What it looks like dry! =D


So I'm quite happy with the result! =D But it did take until 4am to finish, and we had to be up by 9 to get ready for church, so it was a pretty long day today. But fun!

So today! Took Kayla to Weston, and was pleasantly surprised (to say the least!!!) when Brandy and Steve showed up too!!! =D And it ended up being a potluck lunch day, which I had completely forgotten about (whoops...), so we all stayed for lunch. Then I had band practice (I'm learning euphonium!) so the three took off, Bran gave K a ride home.

Then after church, I had a sushi date, then soup van (which ended up not happening cuz there was no soup prepped). So I caught a bus to head home, and when we got back into the downtown core, there was this lady getting off the bus with me who was asking someone else how to get to Calvary Temple. So I stepped in and offered to walk her there. She asked me if I was going there, which I wasn't, but I had plenty of time and was happy to help her out. So we walked, and she chatted the whole way there, it was awesome! =D She's an 84-year-old woman named Catherine, and she talked to me about her husband, who had just passed away this past November. She said to me when we got to the church that she hasn't been able to talk to anyone about her husband without bawling, and here she was talking to me with not a tear in her eye. We had talked about Jesus, and she was so excited to hear that Jesus and I are great friends lol! What a great lady, it was so awesome being blessed by her! And I'm glad I was able to be a blessing for her too! Jesus, you sneaky sneak!!! =D

So, from Calvary Temple, I ended up walking down Donald to get back to Portage to go home, and I ran into Kayla and Binh!!! They were on their way to SHoP (Sanctuary House of Prayer), and I was wanting to go there too (was actually gonna head to K's house after the no-soup van, but I guess God had stuff set out anyways haha!) SHoP was fun! Though I was sooooo super tired from a long day running on little sleep, so I wasn't really up to worshiping a whole lot... So I did it quietly =)

So then I got home about 9, made some pasta for dinner cuz I was hungry, then sat at the computer to write this and talk with Sherrie for a bit. <3 YOU SHERRIE!!!!!!!!! =D (She's teaching me how to FB stalk people.... =P)

OKAY SO NEWS!!!!!!!! Debby has decided once and for all that she is going to sell her house, and she's hoping to have it sold by June. Which means that Shayani and Kayla need to move out. Shayani has some plans she's working on with Jesus, but Kayla and I are gonna get a 2-bedroom apartment together! We've somewhat prayed about it, talked about it lots, and I'm so super excited!!!!! =D We're kinda looking all over the place, but her one request is that it's only one bus ride to her work. Which leaves us with lots of options! Up Main (18 to work), up Henderson (11 to work), down Portage (11 to work), down Osborne (16 to work), or down Corydon (18 to work). I'm sure there's other options, cuz there's quite a few buses that go by her work. But since we're looking for June, there's not really any posts up on kijiji or anything yet. So we'll start looking in a few weeks. SO EXCITED!!!!!!!!! =D =D =D

Anyways, that's about all I have for today. It's just after 11:30pm, and I am wiped. So off to bed I go!

PS sorry for the lack of regular updates, life is pretty crazy busy at the moment. But I'm enjoying it for the most part, so it's all good =)

"Syncopated Lonely" Lynnea Malley

Tired.

I feel like I've come to a point where I need a major change. I'm tired of where I am in life. In my job, in my faith, in my home, in my finances... And the biggest problem is that I can't change most things because of my lack of finances. I feel stuck. In a rut. With no idea what to do to get out.

I have so many big dreams, but with the short-sighted-ness that comes with being only human, I can't see how I'm ever gonna achieve them.

I just feel lost. I feel like I'm missing out on different aspects of life. I miss living with roommates, I miss the relationship I had with my mom when I was little, I miss being in a relationship, I miss the connection I had with God. I do love Jesus, and I do get moments when I feel really close to Him, and I make big decisions based on what He'd want for me because I don't want to regret things later on, but most of time I'm just so disconnected. I don't have that desire to really follow Him. Does that make sense?

And I know there are gonna be people who read this and think, "oh you're still young, life will happen! Things will work out!" Etc etc etc... Yes I know I'm only 24, but I yearn for better things in life, I can't help it! I long to get married, own a house, have a dog, adopt kids, have a garden!

I long to get back into cooking, have my own restaurant where I can create my own menu and cook the dishes and all that... Don't get me wrong here, I do love the kids I work with at the daycare, I'd miss them so much if I did leave, but I just don't want to do that for the rest of my life...

Sigh I don't know... Just a mood I've been in as of late, and I just needed to rant a bit...

Broken Up

I'm sorry readers that I haven't blogged in a while... There's been a lot going on the past while, and I just haven't had the energy to just sit down and type it all out.

So, biggest news, Alisha and I have broken up. I'm finding this really hard to even write this out... I'm trying to distract myself with Facebook, but I know that this needs to be written out for my own benefit.

It's something that's been building up in me for a while. To me, dating is a preparation for marriage, testing the waters so to speak, to see if you could really spend the rest of your life with this person. I was beginning to realise that Alisha was not the person I was going to marry. But I was also realising that I was not the person that Alisha needs in her life right now. She's still working through issues in her life, figuring out who she is in this world and in Christ. (Honestly, I'm still working that out in my own life...)

It hurts. It hurts a lot. More than I can put into words. There have been times throughout last week and even over this past weekend when it hurt so bad that I literally could not breathe.

- 30 minutes later -

So, I had to stop writing because I just got really really tense and could not sit still, couldn't stop rocking, and my right hand started shaking really bad. A friend whom I was talking to at the time said I might have been a panic attack, but my breathing was fine. But she suggested that I get a piece of paper and just write, so I did. Got a whole page full of writing, but my writing was really big and messy, I guess just in the urgency of trying to get it written down. But my hand has stopped shaking and I can sit still, though I'm still really tense... What the heck was that about???

Anyways, back to what I was writing before...

I've pretty much spent every night since the break-up at the house on Mountain where I used to live. The girls here totally brought me in, first for the weekend, then they invited me to stay for the week, so I took them up on that. It was just so hard to be at my house, alone. Too many memories of Alisha and I together. I am planning to go home on Saturday, partially because I know that I will have to face that eventually, and partially because a friend of mine who lives by me has expressed interest in coming to church with me, so I will need to be home in order for that to happen.

While I've been here at the Mountain house, so much has happened to me spiritually. Friday night, my first night here, I ended up getting here pretty late, I think it was after midnight... I was at another friend's, but I was really uncomfortable there because her boyfriend ended up coming over, and that's really not what I needed then. Then Jon (a spiritual leader in the Bible study group I'm in) messaged me to see how I was doing (he knew about the break-up), and so I told him, and he said that he would come and pick me up and bring me here. So I gratefully accepted that, and Shayani was at the door waiting for me when we arrived. So once it was just the two of us (Jon had stayed for a little bit), I broke down, and I just cried. I cried and cried and cried, I don't even know how long I cried. Probably a good 10 minutes of just tears flowing. I did feel a bit better after getting that tension released. I had held it all in all week. Yeah sure, I did cry a bit, I did have a few anxiety attacks, but I never cried as hard and as long as I did that night. It felt good. Believe it or not, we stayed up until 5am just talking. About everything. About Alisha, about an issue with someone connected with our Bible study group, about life... I was almost considering just staying up to watch the sunrise, but then I realised that it was gonna be another two hours, and I was NOT gonna wait that long, cuz I was tired.

Saturday night, Shayani and Kayla ended up having a prayer session in Shayani's room, and I heard them call me a few times, but I was curled up under blankets, and I was hurting so bad that I could not get up. So they ended up coming to find me after a while, Debby ended up coming in too, and they prayed over me. I had realised that I was still wearing the bracelet with Alisha's name on it, and so I had taken it off, but could not let go of it. I did end up giving it to Shayani though, I'm not even sure she knew what it was. I did see it on her night stand the other day, but she hasn't said anything about it, she hasn't asked, so I'm not sure if she checked it out to see what was written on it...

And it is currently 12:25am, and I am completely exhausted and needing to be up in 7 hours, so I'm gonna go to bed. I will do my best to post some more of what happened this week while here, it's some pretty amazing stuff! Jesus is so good!!! =)