Well, for those who know what's going on with a certain boy, things have just taken another turn...
I was at his house on Friday cuz he had a Smitty's staff party thing, and I crashed at his place cuz I wasn't gonna bike home in the wee hours of the morning after drinking...
So early early early Saturday morning, after everyone else had left, he told me that he loves me. And the day that I broke up with him was the day that he was gonna tell me... And he wanted to be back with me...
One of the big problems that I had with this, was that I still love him too. But between the time we broke up and now, I had learned to love him as a friend, and now he has reopened that love that I had for his as more than a friend...
But the main reason why I had broken up with him was because he does not follow Christ. For me, dating is a prep for marriage, and to date him would be like seeing if I could spend the rest of my life with him. But I cannot marry someone who is not a Christ-follower because we would not be on the same spiritual journey, and that is hugely important to me.
So I had to tell him over and over that night that we could not be in a dating relationship because I need to follow Christ. But I did tell him that I love him, and he questioned it... I told him that I love him so much, more than I've ever loved anyone else I've dated, but I love Christ more and that's why we can't be together...
To someone who doesn't know Christ, this is not fair. I totally see where he's coming from... But I just wish he could see where I'm coming from... This is killing me because I've hurt him so much, because of my own rebellion against God in choosing to date him in the first place, I have hurt him in a way that nobody else could. I feel absolutely horrible...
And I feel like if there was even any chance of him coming to know God, I've completely pushed him away. I think that's the worst part of this all... ='(
Please keep us both in your prayers, we need it desperately...
I hope things in this situation are working out better.
ReplyDeleteI had a conversation with somebody right before Christmas about making a list of things that you NEED in a relationship. And it was actually really interesting for me, to look at what I felt the top 10 things that I HAD TO HAVE in a relationship, because I realized that I've never had ANY of those, and it showed me that I need to be pickier with who I even trust with my heart.
Perhaps you should make a list :)
Things ARE working out better now, we've had chats now and then about stuff, and although I had already moved on, he hadn't, and there were just different things going on where in the back of his mind he thought he could get me back, but we had a good long chat and he told me he's finally decided to be over me. Which is great, cuz I KNEW he still really liked me and it was hard to be his friend and yet not lead him on...
ReplyDeleteAnd I kinda do have a list, though it's not written down... And at the very VERY top is he needs to be a Christ follower! That is a MUST!