I was visiting a friend tonight, and I'm unsure if she was doing it on purpose or if there was really nothing else to ask at those moments, but she kept asking me, "So how are you?" I didn't think too much of it the second time she asked, but the third time I wondered, is she trying to get at something? The thought didn't last long because we got into other discussions.
But I was thinking about it on the bus ride home... When you ask someone how they're doing, it's usually something like, "Oh I'm okay," or "Good." Nothing really deep.
I was finding that each subsequent time my friend asked me how I was doing, I was more and more willing to really tell her how I was doing. Not that I'm currently feeling awful and terrible, but I'm also not feeling great and superb.
But how often do we really get past just saying that we're doing well, or fine? Especially when we're not really well or fine?
How many times does someone need to ask, "How are you?" before we really get down to the truth?
How long does it take?
My friend only asked me three times, but had she asked a fourth, I probably would've said that I was feeling really lonely. Really brought down. Really sucked down. I probably would've told her about how I was feeling about a certain someone else that she knows of who is really dragging me down spiritually.
I don't really know where I'm going with this post, I just wanted to note that I find it interesting how when people repeatedly ask you how you're doing, it seems like each time it digs deeper and closer to the truth.
So now I'm gonna go make me some dinner! Zesty spinach soup, I can't remember where I got the recipe from... I'll try to remember to post the recipe here with a picture =)
Somebody once told me that the people who simply say "good" to the question "how are you" are the people who are in need most of somebody to tell how they /really/ are.
ReplyDeleteI think that the issue is, for me at least... when somebody is walking down the hallway at Booth, an aquaintance, classmate, whatever, it's just a convenience thing, and it's quick and easy to say in passing. Which is sad, but true. It's just easy. But often when somebody like you asks me how I'm doing, I might not get into the nitty gritty, but I'm fairly honest with "I'm feeling lonely" or "I'm hyper!" or whatnot. I think it's just... how do you know when somebody wants to know, really KNOW, how you're doing?
I'm not sure I would say that they need to be told how they are, but I would say that they need to be given a chance to relax and get comfortable with whoever they're talking to in order to really say what they're feeling. Which is why I'm wondering if my friend was consciously asking me repetitively how I was doing...
ReplyDeleteYes, part of the reason people just reply with "good" or "fine" is lack of time to really discuss whatever they would want to talk about. Passing people in the hall is a perfect example of that.