As much as I felt a nudge to stand up and share, I couldn't quite bring myself to do it, and so I thought I would share it here.
There have been a few people who have really impacted my life. I first want to say that every person who is a part of Weston has impacted me in one way or another. Vincent touched on it in his own testimony, but we are a family! Of course, not everybody there knows everything about me, about my past, about my issues, but there are a couple who I've been blessed to have in my life whom I can go to if I need to unload.
The biggest impact on my life has been Karen. There have been PLENTY of times when I've learned something from her, big and little things, and she might not even realise a lot of it! Through her, I learned how to love and open up to someone. She was one of the first people I opened up to about being suicidal. And she is such a great person to have a good conversation about stuff! I love sharing my thoughts with her, because she will share her thoughts, and often it's a completely different side of looking at something, a view that's so out-of-the-box that I often leave the conversation with a completely different opinion about whatever we were talking about. Not necessarily having the same ideas as her, but definitely different than when I entered into conversation. Does that make sense?
Another person to impact my life is Jessica. She was there through the darkest days, someone I could always text when I was having a tough time, whether it was being tempted to hurt myself, or whether it was after a fight with my mom, she was always there being caring and supportive. Without her, I'm not even sure I'd be alive now. She was the very first person I told about being suicidal, and it was her whom I asked to come with me to talk to Karen about it. She has saved my life. But it wasn't all only hard moments, we've had so much fun together too! From window shopping and picture taking to working together at camp, to sleep-overs, so many awesome memories have been made. I almost feel now like God brought us together when we needed each other the most, and now that those dark days are behind us that super close bond isn't needed as much. And I don't mean that to be negative in any way! I do miss being as close as we once were, but I understand that people change, we mature differently, and even now her life has changed dramatically with marriage and a child, and we just don't connect as well, I've come to understand and accept that now. But she will ALWAYS been my Georgio, my sister best friend thing =)
Debi has also been a very close friend. Through all the hard times with my mom, she has always been there to support me and reassure me. Of course, I will be the first to admit that it wasn't ALL my mom's fault, but through Debi I've come to understand that it's not all my fault either. Sometimes it's hard to see that without feeling guilty. In my case, I grew up believing that my mom was perfect and so any time I got in trouble (and when I say "get in trouble," I mean getting yelled at...) I had the mindset that I wasn't good enough and couldn't measure up to my mom's standards. It was Debi that I often would tell about what would happen between my mom and I, and she was the one who would always reassure me that I AM good, that I DO have worth, more than my mom could recognise at the time. And please don't see this as a rip on my mom, cuz I've also come to understand that my mom was going through a LOT of crap for many years, which lead to a lot of over-reaction... But through it all, I can now see that my mom was doing the best she could to raise a daughter. Looking at it from another view, I could see that it would be hard for my mom because we didn't connect very well to begin with, and I would often turn to other people for help rather than her, and I think it kinda hurt her. But it was difficult for me to turn to her because she didn't seem very receptive to me so I just didn't bother. And then when I begin to make preparations to move out of her place, I think she came to think that she was losing her only child. That's when things got really bad. And though I won't go into detail here, because it's personal, now that I'm out of the house and settled, and even now into my OWN place, I think my mom has come to see that I have grown up but can still rely on her for support, and I think that's part of the reason things are good now. Now that my mom has seen that I can support myself, that I don't NEED her but still WANT her in my life, we are good =) And Debi has definitely been a big part in helping me realise all this.
On a completely different note, I watched a documentary tonight called "Earthlings," and it's basically about the ethical treatment of animals - or rather how we're NOT treating animals ethically. Seeing how animals are treated on industrial farms and slaughterhouses has seriously made me consider my eating habits. I am seriously thinking about going vegetarian, simply because I do NOT want to support such a disgusting way of treating animals. Here is the first part of a 10-part playlist on Youtube, it is the entire movie, so you can keep watching it on youtube if you'd like.
No comments:
Post a Comment