1:50am

I'm lying in bed, exhausted and yet wide awake. It is POURING outside! I love the rain, partly because of all the good memories it brings to mind =)

Right now thought it makes me think of a certain memory, of being kissed in the rain for the first time... It was with Dennis, and it was SO cold cuz of the rain, but he was walking me home from work. And as we were walking through the mall parking lot, he stopped me and gave me a kiss. Lol he even said he did it so that I can't say anymore that I've never been kissed in the rain, so sweet =)

I still miss him... I know it's not gonna get easier overnight, but it will one day. I worked with him tonight and it was kinda awkward at first, I don't really know why... But it got better as the night went on. The thing I miss most right now is just holding his hand... I actually almost grabbed it tonight at work, but stopped myself cuz I know that I have to keep boundaries.

I was asked last night if I regretted my decision, and I gaven an honest answer. Even though I miss him so much it hurts, I don't regret my decision because my relationship with God is more important to me than anything.

People have told me that it was very mature of me, but I just see it as obedience, not maturity. I will admit I think I handled it maturely I guess... But I wan't at all concerned about that...

I don't want it to seem like I'm "living in the past" or that I "can't get over him", but I do wanna make it clear that I do need to relearn how to be his friend and not his girlfriend. And I need to relearn how to see him as my friend and not as my recent ex-boyfriend (and I don't mean that negatively). It's a lot of feelings and letting go that I need to work through, and it'll take some time.

I would like to keep blogging about this, after all it is a big part of my life right now. But I've thought about what to actually write down because I know that he will prolly read this, and I don't want to send any wrong messages... Although we haven't really talked about this, I realise that he is prolly going through a lot of the same things I am...

On another note, the power in my house just went out... Ugh... Okay, I'll take that as a sign that I need to go to sleep lol...